27.7.11

欲言又止

写过了很多篇draft,但还是没有publish出来。

我还是觉得应该对自己说过的话负责任。
发表过的文章,不能够随便再拿下来,不然部落格就没有了可信度。
在面子书发表过的言论,我也没有删除,毕竟只是想对自己的言行负责;这是我做人的原则之一。

所谓一言既出驷马难追,用嘴巴说的话像泼出去的水一样,没有办法收回的。
虽然现在数码科技允许我们undo及delete, 并不代表我们就可以随便对自己的言行undo和delete。

这样跟杀了人再毁灭证据有什么不一样?!(笑)

我就是这样偏执,懂我的朋友们大概都懂我对这一方面到底是有多么地坚守不移的。
巨蟹座的原则,大概只有巨蟹座的人才懂,可能还有那些固执的星座才懂(笑)。
巨蟹座有时候真的很令人讨厌,我自己也受不了自己。

所以其实呵,我是非常不认同那些喜欢发表煽动性的言论的朋友!发表了之后,发现有太多攻击性质的回复时,就不了了之地把自己和别人的回复言论一并删除了。这不是不负责任叫什么?!(激动)

就好像你不能够发脾气然后随便上街骂人家是猪头饼,然后恢复理智了就随便讲一声soli就拍拍屁股走人的啊。
虽然文字上的impact看来没有言语上的那样大,可是影响力和杀伤力是一定有的,不是说undo和delete了就可以一并把那些杀伤力undo或delete掉的。

可是又能怎么办,世界又不是绕着我而转动的。
所以很多时候,我...欲post又止了。(笑)

有一个朋友让我很敬佩的,他老是给朋友们“欺负”,有时候感觉上不是恶意地欺负或中伤他啦,可是每次不管他在不在场,朋友们就是喜欢把他当笑柄,然而他也不会反驳或抗议什么的,就还是很乐意地娱乐大家,好像也不介意别人把他当笑话。有一次我看不过眼,就私底下问他说怎么每次被人笑话都没有抗议或为自己辩护呢?他的回答很简短,也让我印象深刻,他只是笑笑地说,“因为我不想说一些我以后可能会后悔的话啊。”

这又让我想起以前学姐莹运在生活营里说过的话,那时因为玩团康游戏,然后输了都会有惩罚的,我知道惩罚的方式还真的是很尴尬难堪的,当然旁人看在眼里是很好笑的啦,可是她完成了惩罚之后,还不介意跟大家一起笑着说了一句“能够娱乐大家是我的荣幸!”

啊,太高境界了~我得多多学习才行!然后很巧的是,以上两位朋友……都是巨蟹座的哟!我只是希望自己不会变得太令人讨厌的巨蟹座啦。(笑)

13.7.11

厌恶

一张口。

什么事都有可能发生。
那些不请自来不受欢迎的东西。

那种时候
会突然被铁锤锤到拇指那样
比谁都更深刻地感觉到,

自己可以那么地令人厌恶。

6.7.11

六月份报告 | Monthly Report: June 2011

Time really flies faster when you over 20, and increasing its speed every year. Goodbye June. It's already half past year 2011.

1. Relationship with God.

- Haven't been attending Lifechurch and Talk-it-over sessions and my Gogetters Lifegroup ( > < ) - Started my "Major Events" reading plan on Youversion
- Completed some 2 topical reading plans, "Assurance" and "Diligence"
- Still trying to see and experience God in my everyday life, it's a shame that I'm not a diligent person

2. Writing.

- I wrote my diaries
- I blogged
- and I talked to people about my messy thoughts, though talking sometimes gets me stirred up, or even more confused, I know I just can't stop myself from thinking... and I have problems shutting down the 'constantly-thinking (about various stuffs)' program.

3. Exercise.

My original intention of exercising was to balance my brain chemicals, which is important for me to keep a 'healthy' or a 'normal' mood. Original plans includes jogging and swimming, basic stretching and bend down touch the ground.

- Jogged once, but I don't think I can jog in my old running shoes anymore. It made my feet ached, my whole feet started to feel the pain even I had just started to run... so... jogging needs to wait.
- I think... I swam once. Yeah.
- Basic stretching, yes very simple ones, and some random dances at home. Lol.
- No, I still can't touch the ground.

4. Reading.

- Finish "1Q84" (book 1 & 2) by Murakami Haruki
- NEW: Finish "1Q84" (book 3) by Murakami Haruki
- Dr. Shaun McNiff's "艺术治疗" (Art as Medicine) is really time-consuming, I need to keep on repeating the same lines before I could roughly understand what it means. It's not a bad read (or was the translation that's bad? :p) but it is deep, personal, opinionated, academic, comparisons, experience and imagination type of book. I theeenk. I'm on page 66 btw.
- Started reading "Kitchen" (厨房) by Yoshimoto Banana (吉本芭娜娜), pg24. Damn it reminds me of my old blog, and the story... reminds me of the Japanese manga by Hatori Bisco, Ouran High School Host Club.


[WARNING SPOILER AHEAD]






WHY does Japanese single father likes to transgender and works in a pub because they think they'll never fall in love with another woman again? Or did Hatori Bisco actually DID plagiarized the background of the father from Yoshimoto Banana? OR was it a... common backstory for Japanese plot? Sorry, I just couldn't stand the generic type of story. -___-







[SPOILER ENDS]


5. Train my left hand.

Going well according to plan. Been using my left hand to practice brushing teeth, practice writing and doodling. Still need more time to fully get used to the activities.

6. Tidy/Cleaning Up Areas and Files.

*Ahem* Work-in-progress.

7. Draw.

- Did commissions.
- Drawn one fanart. *runs in embarassment*

8. Revise Japanese Language.

- Japanese... no.
- Korean, I think I can recognize some korean alphabets already, but not all yet.

9. ll-m.

Hmm, not yet for this one.

10. Graduate and earn money.

Ok, not yet earn money lah.

11. Drive to places.

Hmm.. drove to a couple of more places nearby. Less worried already, but still mom's nagging is still severely harming my already-very-low-and-pitiful self-confidence in driving. Sigh. Btw, my side parking sucks like nobody else.

.

3.7.11

最亲的人

为什么最亲的人总是要恶言相对?
为什么最亲的人总是要加入很多自己的想法和观念在自己所有的言论和行为上?

为什么最亲的人就是不懂得聆听?
为什么最亲的人就是喜欢先讲难听的话才愿意给你答案?
为什么最亲的人就越是不懂自己想要追求的是什么?
为什么最亲的人都不信任我的能力?


为什么一想到最亲的人

我眼泪就一直往下掉