2012 Resolutions | 續序2012

2011年主題為“亂中帶序”，今年想繼續維持一定的秩序與規律，所以命為“續序”。

二十五歲了，想趕在二十九歲以前做一些能讓自己自豪一輩子的事，人生的十年我已過了兩個，而第三個十年一點也不遠，所以必須加倍珍惜每一年每一天。


新年目標我定下了十一項：

1. Live in God
2. Become a better person
3. Become a better daughter/sister
4. 自我溝通
5. Exercise
6. Financial Planning
7. To drive more often
8. Reading
9. Revise basic Nihongo and Hangul
10. Lefty's Training
11. ll-m

細說各項：

1	Live in God
i	attend church/lifechurch
ii	read bible
	through youversion's reading plans, online bible
	through revising and memorizing verses
iii	childlike faith
	keep praying
	never give up, never lose hope

2	Become a better person
	(as an individual)
i	be diligent
ii	be confident
iii	be understanding

3	Become a better daughter/sister
	(as a family member)
i	help with family matters
ii	help to do chores
iii	help with cooking
iv	be caring
v	be patient

4	自我溝通
	(through different means of expression)
i	express and communicate with self
	through writing, drawing, shooting etc
ii	get myself a DSLR

5	Exercise
i	do stretching daily: make a daily stretching plan
ii	be able to touch the ground
iii	get a pair of running/sports shoes

6	Financial Planning
i	plan expenses/loan/savings/debt
ii	stick with the plan

7	To drive more often
8	Reading
i	finish 7 books

9	Revise basic Nihongo and Hangul
i	be able to read nihongo smoothly
ii	recognize some basic kanji
iii	learn some basic phrases
iv	be able to recognize hangul vowels and consonants

10	Lefty's Training
i	brush teeth in the morning
ii	weekly doodle/writing

11	ll-m
	(showcasing hobbies/(art)works)
i	make plans for ll-m

十二月份报告 | Monthly Report: December 2011

過得有一點恍惚，有一點不真實。

爸爸離開我們，剛好一個月了。

我從小就是個哭包，想爸爸的時候
就哭了。有時候哭兩分鐘。
有時候哭一個小時。
有時候哭了又止、止了又哭。
不等。

（爸爸不喜歡別人哭。
我不可以哭醬多。）

哥今天寫了一句話
"It's been a month since father's left. We've kept things the same, but somehow they're different now."

再也貼切不過了。

1. Relationship with God.

- Did not attend lifechurch and lifegroup meetings.
- Attended Christmas Eve's gathering at church with bf, God gave him a special gift this Christmas. :)
- Attended church on Christmas day too.
- When I start to distance myself with Him, I easily got caught back in the negative self-pity self. The devil will try to fill in the void inside whenever I let myself become vacant.

4. Reading.

- 藝術治療, Dr Shaun McNiff pg.127
- 徐志摩詩集 pg.85
- Becoming A Person Of Influence, John C. Maxwell, Jim Dornan pg.15
- and read quite some mangas online that I didn't bother to list down

11. Drive to places.
- 27/12那天，出車禍了，對方車子不讓，所以我撞上去了。大家都說是小意外，可是對方堅持要報警。我被罰了款。也辛苦哥和嫂載我到處跑著處理文件和保險的事，還有浪費很多在警察局等待的時間。第一次車禍，嚇死我了。

明天再貼上一整年目標達成與否的總結。

十一月份报告 | Monthly Report: November 2011

時間過得很快，尤其在年齡登上二十的寶座之後。

爸爸在十一月的最後一天離開了。
感謝上帝，financially blessed 了我們一家，感謝上帝願意在我們獻上微不足道的tithe和offering裡，接受了並multiply我們所獻上的，我們一家才能夠擁有如此大的福氣。
也感謝上帝，沒有對我們太狠心……先讓我們稍微適應家裡沒有爸爸的日子，才慢慢讓聖靈進入把拔的心，才慢慢帶走父親，雖然沒有親眼看見天使，但我會不斷地祈求，懇請上帝的天使們繼續守護著父親。

謝謝教友Shaista D以及朋友們的祈禱
謝謝所有教會的親戚朋友不斷地為父親禱告
上帝會賜福與你們。

上帝對我們prayers的回答只有三，那就是“Yes”, “Later” 或 “I have a better plan”
雖然上帝對我們的祈求沒有說“Yes”，可是我們深信上帝會有更好的計劃，
上帝是我們全能的神。

謝謝親愛姐妹們的支持，我很感動；
還有被坤中情聯繫著的朋友，雖然我們不曾很熟絡，
可是你們恰當的問候與支持，很讓人窩心。

1. Relationship with God.

- Did not attend lifechurch nor lifegroup meetings. :(
- Attended church once.
- Been seeing a lot of God's work and God's people at work, and there are many God's people around me.
- He gave me peace and took away my worries.

4. Reading.

- 藝術治療, Dr Shaun McNiff
- 徐志摩詩集
- Becoming A Person Of Influence, John C. Maxwell, Jim Dornan

欲言又止

写过了很多篇draft,但还是没有publish出来。

我还是觉得应该对自己说过的话负责任。
发表过的文章，不能够随便再拿下来，不然部落格就没有了可信度。
在面子书发表过的言论，我也没有删除，毕竟只是想对自己的言行负责；这是我做人的原则之一。

所谓一言既出驷马难追，用嘴巴说的话像泼出去的水一样，没有办法收回的。
虽然现在数码科技允许我们undo及delete, 并不代表我们就可以随便对自己的言行undo和delete。

这样跟杀了人再毁灭证据有什么不一样？！（笑）

我就是这样偏执，懂我的朋友们大概都懂我对这一方面到底是有多么地坚守不移的。
巨蟹座的原则，大概只有巨蟹座的人才懂，可能还有那些固执的星座才懂（笑）。
巨蟹座有时候真的很令人讨厌，我自己也受不了自己。

所以其实呵，我是非常不认同那些喜欢发表煽动性的言论的朋友！发表了之后，发现有太多攻击性质的回复时，就不了了之地把自己和别人的回复言论一并删除了。这不是不负责任叫什么？！（激动）

就好像你不能够发脾气然后随便上街骂人家是猪头饼，然后恢复理智了就随便讲一声soli就拍拍屁股走人的啊。
虽然文字上的impact看来没有言语上的那样大，可是影响力和杀伤力是一定有的，不是说undo和delete了就可以一并把那些杀伤力undo或delete掉的。

可是又能怎么办，世界又不是绕着我而转动的。
所以很多时候，我...欲post又止了。（笑）

有一个朋友让我很敬佩的，他老是给朋友们“欺负”，有时候感觉上不是恶意地欺负或中伤他啦，可是每次不管他在不在场，朋友们就是喜欢把他当笑柄，然而他也不会反驳或抗议什么的，就还是很乐意地娱乐大家，好像也不介意别人把他当笑话。有一次我看不过眼，就私底下问他说怎么每次被人笑话都没有抗议或为自己辩护呢？他的回答很简短，也让我印象深刻，他只是笑笑地说，“因为我不想说一些我以后可能会后悔的话啊。”

这又让我想起以前学姐莹运在生活营里说过的话，那时因为玩团康游戏，然后输了都会有惩罚的，我知道惩罚的方式还真的是很尴尬难堪的，当然旁人看在眼里是很好笑的啦，可是她完成了惩罚之后，还不介意跟大家一起笑着说了一句“能够娱乐大家是我的荣幸！”

啊，太高境界了～我得多多学习才行！然后很巧的是，以上两位朋友……都是巨蟹座的哟！我只是希望自己不会变得太令人讨厌的巨蟹座啦。（笑）

Voices

This is my first newspaper blackout. I decided to do it on a Chinese magazine.
Inspired by Austin Kleon's Newspaper Blackout.

Translation (literally):
Outer voices
are the blockage of dreams.
Inner voices
are the courage.

I really love one of Austion Kleon's saying - Creativity is subtraction.
I couldn't agree more.

经常被遗忘的两三事。

1 我的一个梦想。

我有一个梦想。
想当艺术家。
语言就是这样奇妙。
用中文的话，听起来总是有点做作。
所以我一般都会说，
I want to be an artist.

如果你问我
想当什么样的artist？
我其实也不太能回答。

2 不想熟悉，陌生的自己。

现在，我
其实不懂该做什么才好。
像独角兽说的，
"没想到出口太多，更容易让人迷失方向。"

长期留在自己最熟悉的地方，
自己会变得越来越陌生。

3 简单的喜悦。

我喜欢事物
很多很多。
太多了
自己被自己技术上的不足
瞎了眼，看不见
曾经只是因为喜欢
而创作
那一种很简单的喜悦
。

乱中带序二零一一 | 2011 Reso-reso Resolution

1. Relationship with God.

Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for your unconditioned love and patience for me, please discipline me and teach me to put You first in everything I do.

- first thing in the morning, pray to God
- attends life church and talk-it-over discussions
- complete Youversion reading plan by May 2011

2. Writing.

There are voices in my mind 24/7. They never shut up and sometimes I lose control of my emotions and feel very bipolar. I'm sorry that I'm unstable.

- jot down/take pic of important things
- organize my messy thoughts

3. Exercise.

Exercise helps to balance brain chemicals. Besides staying healthy, it helps to maintain my 'healthy' mood, so I will have less unstable times.

- jogging and/or swimming every weekend, 1 - 2 time(s)
- basic stretching
- wants to be able to bend over and touch the ground

4. Reading.

Reading keeps me focused and ponder on some thoughts. I seriously need to relearn how to focus and concentrate.

- Finish "1Q84" (book 1 & 2) by Murakami Haruki
- NEW: Finish "1Q84" (book 3) by Murakami Haruki
- Finish "艺术治疗" by Dr. Shaun McNiff
- Finish Phil Yeh's and Chin Yew's Comics

5. Train my left hand.

Due to less-than-severe-but-not-light injury from repetitive strain on my right hand/arm/颈椎, I would really want to put less strain on my right hand by training my left hand to do certain simple activities. It's good for the brain too.

- brush teeth
- write
- doodle

6. Tidy/Cleaning Up Areas and Files.

Workspace and the environment reflects your mind state. This has been on my to-do list like... for years. *guilty and embarassed* Yeah I have a very messy state of mind. I need to do something about it, the aim is to be “乱中有序” (luan4 zhong1 you3 xu4)，which means it seems messy but in fact there are certain rules/discipline to it, this has been my “座右铭” (zuo4 you4 ming2，motto) since high school.

Areas:
- workspace
- wardrobe
- bookcase(s)
- room desk
- room shelves

Digital Files and Non-digital Files:
- back up important files
- arrange them in appropriate folders and location
- Photos: upload.

7. Draw.

I wonder why I almost put this last.

- Paint something digitally.
- Clean up my dA deviations.

8. Revise Japanese Language.

- just wanna be able to read hiragana and katakana without any difficulty

9. ll-m.

No clear plans on this yet, but I will try.

10. Graduate and earn money.
Does this count? But I really wanna graduate very badly.
This is vague but yeah, regardless of full-time or part-time job, earn a decent amount of money then pay my own debts and give money to parents.

11. Drive to places.
If you see a driver that annoys you so much that you can't stop honking and pressure her, that's probably me. Sorry, I very noob, please forgive me, but I really have to learn to drive to places by myself. T_T

.

序 | Introduction

淅淅沥沥
的小雨
。

我们
可以在屋下听雨
可以在檐下观雨
可以在伞下遮雨

可以就这样淋着小雨。

沥沥淋
沥沥林
。

欢迎光临。
你可以叫我沥沥。

------------
Hello.

The thought of how to keep a good bilingual blog always pop up in my head, but I guess it's not easy to get things perfectly translated, I should try to let go of my control freak and perfectionist habit sometimes, or else this blog will never be alive again. So this is my new (new in concept) bilingual blog, liliterature.

Literature are related to writings and arts. 'Lili' (沥沥), the chinese character that I've used in here means the sound of small rain, and it has also the same sound as one of the character 'li' (俪) in my name, so it ends up like this - liliterature.

I always have the urge to express - be it singing, talking, drawing, writing, dancing, acting.. and other art forms. I didn't understand why I felt so upset and uninspired when I stopped doing all the above.

This is until I read a book that I've bought a few years ago by Shaun McNiff, Art as Medicine. The quote "art is the language of the soul" basically defines the meaning and function of art. In many situations, I used my rational mind to convince myself that creating spontaneous art is a waste of time, I should focus on what I should be doing at the moment. But the more I restrict myself, the more I feel unmotivated. Here's my problem, I am not just stopping myself from doing the things that I enjoy doing, it's more like I restricted the freedom of my emotions to speak; I jailed my heart.

The blog name "liliterature" is a reminder for myself to always let my soul speak. The spontaneous art might not be anything like a piece of refined literature, it'll probably be very awkward and raw, and it's called liliterature. *smirk*

Ah yes, I am lili. :)