Anyway, tomorrow is Easter Day, and I have decided not to go to the church, even when I was given the chance to go. Bah, it always made me feel sad (sinful?) for rejecting invitations to go to the church.
Even if I were to say yes at first, there's always something that made me changed my mind to a no. It's either the someone (that I don't really like), or sometimes, it's my to-do list.
Maybe I always have a never-ending to-do list, and assignments are never the first priority on my list. Perhaps I should start procrastinate correctly, like skipping my chores and housework instead of dealing with my serious work late.
No wait, that's not what I want to say. Actually I just suddenly remembered something about my Easter Day.
I never had any proper Easter Day celebrations before. The first time that I'm exposed to bunny and a basket of eggs (that time I still don't know it's called Easter), is that she brought me to some house, full with children and some adults, and I was one of the children there, and they were having some kind of coloring contest. I've always liked coloring. I was given a piece of picture of a black-outlined bunny and a basket of eggs with ribbons at the sides on a yellow paper, then I was told to color it.
The coloring contest ended with me in total surprise and awkwardness.
I was wondering why all other kids were painting and draw patterns on the eggs, the eggs were so colorful. I thought they were ugly because I colored all my eggs in white. I was thinking, "Aren't eggs supposed to be just plain color?" They don't have light brown or pale orange color for the eggs so I colored them white. I was the only one who colored them white. Then she asked me, "Why you colored your eggs white? You should have made them more colorful." I only answered with silence, because it can be very confusing to kids when they are not told and not knowing about colorful Easter eggs, and adults telling them something out of the ordinary because we only see plain brown or white eggs in our daily life right? It's something like when you paint an apple purple and show it to adults and tell them this is an apple, and they will laugh and say there is no purple apple, you should paint it red or green. Yet now, I'm experiencing the opposite situation.
Ok so after the contest, there were some Christian preaching session which distracted me a little from my white eggs and other kids' colorful eggs, but in the end I only remember two things, which is a small green bookmark with a quote on it (which is now being kept in my bible) and my basket of white eggs with dark pink ribbons and white bunny.
Other than that, I still remember there was once, I forgot where it took place as well, it was some kind of kids' fashion show, they have games for kids, and I was one of the kids, I catwalked like a robot or something, I don't really remember, the adults keep telling me to catwalk, but I have totally no idea what is catwalking. Then there was a girl wearing a sexy dress with make up, while I'm wearing normal set of shirt and pants in red, and she walked really well compared to others and me.
Well, it was no big deal that she walked better than me, I don't really mind at the first place until she asked me why wouldn't I dare to walk like the other girl. After the fashion show game there was some colorful-eggs-searching. I think they are Easter eggs symbols too, but I just am too ignorant at that time, for not asking about why the eggs are colorful and different from our daily eggs.
When we were small, they always wanted us to stood out among the good, they want us to be daring and bold and active and whatever.
But as we grew, seems like it's better if we lay low in the crowd. We should just do what everyone else says is good, and just do what is safe. Because when you do something slightly different or trying to be bold, or being too daring or active in your hobbies, you'll be nagged and told that you should do this and that because they heard that it's good and can promise a job for you and it's for your future.
It probably is good that I was always being kept in a safe zone, but I'm never completely comfortable in it. Perhaps this made me very hesitant in making decisions, and I hate myself for that. But no matter how, at least I am not in the worst scenario, I might not have as much freedom as others, but I do have a certain level of freedom compared to those who are in a worse case than me.
Today's hesitation begets tomorrow's regret.
A friend shared this quote with me, so I'm leaving it here to remind myself about my weakness and I shall never be failed by it.
Anyway, Happy Easter Day.
(These are my white Easter eggs from memory.)
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