Read about 'brokenness' recently, brokenness in Christianity.
Here are some links.


My life is a mess.

I tried to find an easy way out.
I probably did not want to completely accept the fact that I have failed miserably and that I have been doing nothing in order to change, because I never wanted to admit my wrongdoings and my sins because of pride and self-righteousness in myself.

That day when I felt really devastated and afraid that I am repeating the same mistake again - and probably I have arrived at its consequence - failing, I happen to check my email that my father forwarded to me which is ironically about failure. This is not just a coincidence, I knew it.

In the email, it says that :

Failure doesn't mean that you are a failure, it means you have not yet succeeded;
Failure doesn't mean that you have accomplished nothing, it means you have learned something;
Failure doesn't mean that you will never be able to do it, it means you have to do it in a different way;
Failure doesn't mean that you are inferior, it means that you are not perfect;
Failure doesn't mean that have wasted your life, it means that you have to start afresh;
Failure doesn't mean that you should give up, it means that you have to try very very hard;
Failure doesn't mean that you will never achieve, it just takes a little longer;
Failure doesn't mean that God has abandoned you, it's because God has a better idea! You will get the idea if you have faith in Him.

Failures made me feel depressed and broken, but this brokenness is a must in order to shatter my pride and self-righteousness, this is the conclusion that I have come to. Thus I must not dwell deeper onto the wrong road, I want to leave my comfort zone and run in desperation to Him, for He could heal my blindness and make me whole.

Below is an excerpt from -link-, that I would like to share and to remind myself of.

Matthew 5:4 reads, "God blesses those who mourn, for they will be comforted." Know that you can be renewed and transformed through the Great One but it takes humility in order for these experiences to take place. Human pride often blocks our dealing with painful problems. Once we finally admit our wrongdoings and failures, there can be a real solution for us. Humbling ourselves before God is the ultimate key that will allow us to experience the wonderful comfort that only the Almighty One can provide.


Last Song by Gackt

No matter how many times I hear this, I can still cry.

It's the second song that I've heard from Gackt back then, and it was this song that made me fell in love with his voice.

Note: The volume is a bit soft in the video, you might want to raise a volume a little.

Lyrics Translation: (from lyrics007.com)
Last Song - Gackt Camui

Walking around aimlessly by myself
Breathing a faint sigh, my breath turns white
Seasons change, and in this fleeting season..
My tears fall for no reason
"Even now, I still love you"

Falling sadness transforms into pure white snow
I'm always looking at the sky above me
Before this body disappears, I want to reach the wish I have now
Once more, I want to hold you

How many times have we not understood and hurt each other
But even at those times, we were still gentle
Engraved on the ring that you suddenly gave back to me
..Was our promise that will never come true
"Even now, I remember.."

These far off thoughts are just brilliant flashes in my memory
I wanted to be next to you
Even though I can't see you anymore, I'll always be next to you
I never want you to change
I can't erase those last tears that you showed me [from my memory]

In your heart, if I disappear along with all these snowflakes
I want to bloom [in your heart once again]
Don't forget the warmth of us being close together, and hugging
Don't forget even if you love someone else
I'll never let go [of the memory] of when I heard your voice last and so
..I just want to fall into a deep sleep

Continuously falling sadness transforms into pure white snow
I'm always looking at the sky above me
Before this body disappears, I want to reach the wish I have now
I want to hold you once more
"I want to hold you once more"