Read about 'brokenness' recently, brokenness in Christianity.
Here are some links.
My life is a mess.
I tried to find an easy way out.
I probably did not want to completely accept the fact that I have failed miserably and that I have been doing nothing in order to change, because I never wanted to admit my wrongdoings and my sins because of pride and self-righteousness in myself.
That day when I felt really devastated and afraid that I am repeating the same mistake again - and probably I have arrived at its consequence - failing, I happen to check my email that my father forwarded to me which is ironically about failure. This is not just a coincidence, I knew it.
In the email, it says that :
Failure doesn't mean that you are a failure, it means you have not yet succeeded;
Failure doesn't mean that you have accomplished nothing, it means you have learned something;
Failure doesn't mean that you will never be able to do it, it means you have to do it in a different way;
Failure doesn't mean that you are inferior, it means that you are not perfect;
Failure doesn't mean that have wasted your life, it means that you have to start afresh;
Failure doesn't mean that you should give up, it means that you have to try very very hard;
Failure doesn't mean that you will never achieve, it just takes a little longer;
Failure doesn't mean that God has abandoned you, it's because God has a better idea! You will get the idea if you have faith in Him.
Failures made me feel depressed and broken, but this brokenness is a must in order to shatter my pride and self-righteousness, this is the conclusion that I have come to. Thus I must not dwell deeper onto the wrong road, I want to leave my comfort zone and run in desperation to Him, for He could heal my blindness and make me whole.
Below is an excerpt from -link-, that I would like to share and to remind myself of.
Matthew 5:4 reads, "God blesses those who mourn, for they will be comforted." Know that you can be renewed and transformed through the Great One but it takes humility in order for these experiences to take place. Human pride often blocks our dealing with painful problems. Once we finally admit our wrongdoings and failures, there can be a real solution for us. Humbling ourselves before God is the ultimate key that will allow us to experience the wonderful comfort that only the Almighty One can provide.