9.3.09

迷失在家课表里

每天写家课表的习惯,应该是从小学开始的。

中学时期,我有一本本骄傲的家课簿;每年换一本,用礼物纸包了再用包书纸包起来,里头一定要有日历,本子主要是拿来写家课表的,然后夹着书签,蓝色的站岗簿(学长用的,我还自己设计了一番),一些学校的通告回函,零零碎碎的纸张收据,还有就是自己亲手(精心)制作的课表。

写到这里,我有一股冲动想跑回房间把这些旧回忆找回出来,然后给他们照相,然后上载放在这里当插图,可是我没把相机带回家,所以现在把这些东西找出来也没用,因为不能照相;不能照相的话,这篇“迷失在家课表里”要等到照片好了之后才能继续写。

所以我在我大学的家课表里写下“记得要帮旧回忆照像”,还有“完成‘迷失在家课表里’这篇小文章”。

一日复一日,每日的家课表写满了我要完成的事情,写满了每次都“万事俱备、只欠东风”的事情,而家课表上的事情又总是因为只欠东风而又成了翌日的家课表,翌日的家课表加上新的家课累积昨日的家课表又成了后日的家课表。最后只埋怨时间过得太快,其实也不关时间的事,由始至终只是自己迷失在自己写的家课表里。

也不能说是谁的错,只能怪自己散忘,竟然忘了付出就是最大的收获。这句话是黄叔华老师赠的。当年高中一农历新年期间,黄老师发给每人一封红包袋,里头有着贴在硬卡上的金玉良言,而我的就是这一句话,“其实付出就是最大的收获”,贴在橙黄色硬卡上的白纸黑字。我只能说我非常认同,也因为这样,我可以全心全意地为校尽一点力,偶尔埋怨,却也没有后悔或一声不愿意。学长团、漫画组、训导处、事务处,对我而言,是多么熟悉有温度的字眼,因为我一直坚信,当我做得越多、走得越多,我也相信我会收获得更多,即使走错路了,也不要紧,因为至少我知道这条路是错的路,因为付出就已经是收获了。

常常挂在嘴边的话,我还用来鼓励不敢相信、不敢付出的学妹朋友。非常可笑,最后自己竟然因为大学里的一场噩梦,而否定了一直在鼓励自己的话。回想起从那噩梦至今这些一蹶不振的日子,只能怪自己怎么没骨气,原则怎么可以因为一场不愉快的梦而被否定了?

我懂了,收获的形式总不会一样;我也知道我那所谓的噩梦,其实也不是真的梦一场。原则定下了就是用来坚持的,完美和贪婪都一样是无止境的,那就不用再委屈骨气只为“只欠东风”的事,应该放心享受付出的喜悦,就跟以前一样,就不会那么容易再迷失于家课表里了。


后记:

I've had a good reading on Paul Graham's Good and Bad Procrastination, I guess there is not much need for me to summarize a good article which leads you to his point with his own effective words. It's a rather lengthy article, but it's the best article that I've read on procrastination so far. Do hop over to the article if you have the time.

4 comments:

Where's My Pocket Money ? said...

Dear XUe jie,
your diary book *two thumbs up*! nice nice! and erm, i afraid it's my turn to encourage xue jie to keep paying and keep going in the future! will definitely be with you! ^^

Li Wen said...

Eh why hide ur name!
Thanks xue mei.. Geez.. you sounded a bit familiar.. but I'm not so sure :s

Thank kyu oo xue mei! I really need the encouragement and motivation to keep me going, and thanks for playing the important part! :)

Hoping the same to u too! Be brave and keep going ya! Don't always got lost and chicken out in midway like me >"<

. Jäcky . said...

We might be lost sometimes when we are feeling fear on things that we faced. Fear of inability, fear of responsibility, fear of the unseen path that we taken. We lost and survive in the half give up and half motivated condition. Yet, thing that is left behind is Ourselves. We must have determination to overcome your fears and move forward with your soul. :D

*Bankai* (erh..)

Li Wen said...

And that is called 'procrastination' and 'procrastinate well' in my terms. ;)

Quote from Paul Graham's Procrastination article:

"I think the way to 'solve' the problem of procrastination is to let delight pull you instead of making a to-do list push you. Work on an ambitious project you really enjoy, and sail as close to the wind as you can, and you'll leave the right things undone."