我真的是很喜欢待在家里。
有些人一整天待在家里
会坐立不安
可是我如果一整天都不在家
我会发疯闷慌
不要叫我从早到晚一直外出
外出后，回来我就是要待在家里。
不是我不喜欢外出
我也喜欢旅行
只是
我也迫切需要
每天一个人在家里独处的时光。
请不要觉得
我一个人享受在家独处的时光
是一种不想跟你们出去或相处的表现
真的不是这样的。
这些误会
总会让我很难过。
我真的很简单
我只是喜欢待在家里
想想做做自己的小事
听听唱唱喜欢的音乐
写写涂涂脑里有的没的
真的是这样而已。
我不要每次因为我要待在家
而让别人难过。
我不要为自己喜欢待在家的习惯
而觉得罪过。
只是现在
我坚持待在家里的决定
又让我难过了
因为你们难过。
31.8.09
14.8.09
Quiz: Get To Know Yourself Better
Get To Know Yourself Better Quiz taken at
http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx
Here's my quiz result.
Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.
Note:
I am sometimes straightforward but I believe that I'm somewhere between a dreamer and a realist, so I'm not all that down to earth. And I might solve problems but I'm not efficient.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.
Note:
I don't think I'll do anything and everything, I can only say I would try my best (within my capabilities) in keeping my love true. After all, I'm still a self-centered (and romantic) person.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you meet that person.
Note:
This is absolutely right. Lol.
The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.
Note:
True and I damn like the last line - fall deeply and beautifully in love.
Your views on education:
You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.
Note:
Hmm I have many practical ideas? Like what?
I tend to follow my heart but I don't think I could end up with an unusual job, but I'll look forward to it.
The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.
Note:
This just applies to mostly everyone (with similar cultural background as me) la. We were never raised to think that being an archaeologist or a social worker is good.
How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.
Note:
Yeah fear of failing, but I'm accepting it already. I have different stages of failing in primary school, high school, and now in university, and it took me awhile to accept the failure and stand up again. I'm a chicken, a brave chicken.
What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.
Note:
I couldn't agree more. But it's really ironic, while independence is important to me yet I am afraid that I have no one to turn to when I'm in trouble.
Who is your true self:
You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.
Note:
Full of energy? I'm only confident in certain situations. I'm not unpredictable la, I'm just a little bit more sensitive than most people.
http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx
Here's my quiz result.
Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.
Note:
I am sometimes straightforward but I believe that I'm somewhere between a dreamer and a realist, so I'm not all that down to earth. And I might solve problems but I'm not efficient.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.
Note:
I don't think I'll do anything and everything, I can only say I would try my best (within my capabilities) in keeping my love true. After all, I'm still a self-centered (and romantic) person.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you meet that person.
Note:
This is absolutely right. Lol.
The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.
Note:
True and I damn like the last line - fall deeply and beautifully in love.
Your views on education:
You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.
Note:
Hmm I have many practical ideas? Like what?
I tend to follow my heart but I don't think I could end up with an unusual job, but I'll look forward to it.
The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.
Note:
This just applies to mostly everyone (with similar cultural background as me) la. We were never raised to think that being an archaeologist or a social worker is good.
How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.
Note:
Yeah fear of failing, but I'm accepting it already. I have different stages of failing in primary school, high school, and now in university, and it took me awhile to accept the failure and stand up again. I'm a chicken, a brave chicken.
What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.
Note:
I couldn't agree more. But it's really ironic, while independence is important to me yet I am afraid that I have no one to turn to when I'm in trouble.
Who is your true self:
You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.
Note:
Full of energy? I'm only confident in certain situations. I'm not unpredictable la, I'm just a little bit more sensitive than most people.
10.8.09
Struggle, because I am alive
Sometimes I think the times that I think in English equals to the times that I think in Chinese. Now it's one of the times when I am thinking in English and feel like telling the thoughts in words.
I have very low stamina, both physically and psychologically.
I couldn't run or climb or cycle, but I can really walk for a long distance. I have a really short attention span - especially dealing with technical stuffs like how to use a software, how to create this and that effect with what and what plug-ins; but I find myself strangely attracted to certain art expressions - for example a recent wonderful performance that I attended, Butoh Jam, held in Annexe Gallery, or the surreal atmosphere in Murakami Haruki's novels.
It's been really long since I have ever feel recharged, after one whole year (or maybe longer) of dead batteries.
I need art. I need it to feel alive. I just couldn't feel anything with my university classes, they are draining away my motivation and my purpose, and I drowned myself to death. I often feel stupid in classes, it's as if I couldn't find a reason or a purpose for me to be there. And so when most of the university courses and friends around me focus on the technique, I know I need the struggle, a struggle to find a meaning behind all these robotic skills, a struggle to express myself with all these robotic skills and make it a not-your-typical-robotic-skill-only art.
Struggles are unpleasant, but it is necessary when I don't want to be like a machine. I can never ever continue to breathe without a purpose, without a meaning, and without art.
And if it's art, I can and I will continue to struggle and move forward, because I want to feel alive.
-----------------
"You have to love dancing to stick to it. It gives you nothing back, no manuscripts to store away, no paintings to show on walls and maybe hang in museums, no poems to be printed and sold, nothing but that single fleeting moment when you feel alive."
I have very low stamina, both physically and psychologically.
I couldn't run or climb or cycle, but I can really walk for a long distance. I have a really short attention span - especially dealing with technical stuffs like how to use a software, how to create this and that effect with what and what plug-ins; but I find myself strangely attracted to certain art expressions - for example a recent wonderful performance that I attended, Butoh Jam, held in Annexe Gallery, or the surreal atmosphere in Murakami Haruki's novels.
It's been really long since I have ever feel recharged, after one whole year (or maybe longer) of dead batteries.
I need art. I need it to feel alive. I just couldn't feel anything with my university classes, they are draining away my motivation and my purpose, and I drowned myself to death. I often feel stupid in classes, it's as if I couldn't find a reason or a purpose for me to be there. And so when most of the university courses and friends around me focus on the technique, I know I need the struggle, a struggle to find a meaning behind all these robotic skills, a struggle to express myself with all these robotic skills and make it a not-your-typical-robotic-skill-only art.
Struggles are unpleasant, but it is necessary when I don't want to be like a machine. I can never ever continue to breathe without a purpose, without a meaning, and without art.
And if it's art, I can and I will continue to struggle and move forward, because I want to feel alive.
-----------------
"You have to love dancing to stick to it. It gives you nothing back, no manuscripts to store away, no paintings to show on walls and maybe hang in museums, no poems to be printed and sold, nothing but that single fleeting moment when you feel alive."
- Merce Cunningham (1919-2009)
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