Sometimes we are more forgetful than we thought. Skills that you have mastered could become rusty if don't brush them up consistently; and a lesson learnt might just slip away as if nothing has happened before - until a friend reminds me recently.
Pride comes before a fall.
If I were to compare, the falls that I experienced are nothing at all. But they're significant to me - because I grew up surrounded by compliments and praises. These words have shaped me, and my confidence are built up depending on these. I looked down on failures, because I was always on top of the hill. I believed I was that good, and I could master anything if I wanted to. It's like standing on top of a tower and looking at the sky and thinking that I could fly if I want to.
So.. there comes the continuous and repetitive failures in my academic performance, my co-curriculum activities and my social life.
I have never stood on the solid ground looking forward and looking up - if weren't for the falls that God have placed me in. Those were my lessons, lessons of being humble. I don't have to put myself bigger and higher than anybody else, because the only one who is bigger and higher is God Himself.
And during my depressed moments - I had a really close friend that I would say my only close friend in my university period, we've known each other for not long - but the closeness and encouragement is always there. If it weren't for her, I never had the courage to move on.
"It's amazing how God connects people," a colleague told me this, Amen. Never know I would someone like her - she's like a reflection of my mind, it's kind of creepy when we talk, as if she's speaking from my mind, and best of all, God knows I don't have a church of believer-friends to support me in times of need, He placed His people around me, so I can still rely and look for them if I need support.
Failures and downhill of life are just lessons from God - He wants to teach us something more valuable, He wants to tell us that we are not the one in charge of our own life, but He is - He wants to reveal Himself to us - He wants us to know that we can always rely on Him, because through Him, we are strengthened.
And He always want me to know, that He'll never let me stray far from Him. Each and every time when I become lost - He will come back and look for me. I am always found. He is that good.
Dear Heavenly Father, I want to rely on You to change my terrible temper. I am not perfect and I can't do this on my own - but through God, everything is possible. In Jesus Name, Amen.