It has never changed -- even after a decade long -- it seems to have gone worse as time passes by, I think I have given up on any little hope that I have left trying to change it.
I think I just need to accept that, some things really doesn't change. It just is.
I can't remember how many times I have blamed myself for all the things that turned out extremely unpleasant.
It's my fault.
I didn't try hard enough.
I am not good enough.
I am not what I thought I were.
I am not the great person as I thought I can be.
Poisoned thoughts -- they still haunt me.
It's very difficult having to put on different faces in different situations. I believe everything about me is real -- but I don't know, perhaps no other person thinks that way except myself.
For things that cannot be changed -- I can only change myself.
I needed to accept the unpleasant is in fact -- pretty much impossible to change (at least... not in a decade.. or in the decades to come) -- so that way I can use the energy I originally placed on changing the unpleasant to changing myself instead.
I just need to accept it.
Showing posts with label 英文 | english. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 英文 | english. Show all posts
21.10.15
8.4.15
What have I become of
Shouldn't my body become lighter
But why are these weights pulling me lower?
Shouldn't my mind become clearer
But why is decision-making giving me fear?
Shouldn't my heart be filled with joy
But why is the arrival of the Day making me dread?
In the end
What exactly have I become of
But why are these weights pulling me lower?
Shouldn't my mind become clearer
But why is decision-making giving me fear?
Shouldn't my heart be filled with joy
But why is the arrival of the Day making me dread?
In the end
What exactly have I become of
19.3.15
I am an introvert.
A search on the dictionary gave me this:
I identify myself as an introvert at a young age - but being an introvert isn't something to be proud of back then. I had even once doubted that maybe I wasn't actually an introvert - because at times I don't feel "extremely shy" but I even enjoyed performing or speaking in public at some point. But I am still an introvert. Being introverted is not about being unable to deliver or express something in front of people. (Side note: I am still a shy person regardless.)
I am an introvert - whether at times I may or may not look like one. Introverts do enjoy talking and mingling with people - just not all the time. There's another thing that I would like to mention which is regarding personal space. I suppose this is not an introvert-only thing, but I just wanted to highlight that introverts probably treasure personal space a bit more than extroverts. Some extrovert friends would tell me they'd feel bored and lonely when there's no one in the house, so they would ask their friends to hang out with them. But I suppose this is different for the introverts. I'd be more than happy to enjoy this expanded solitude and doesn't have to share the space with anyone else. Of course, I would still enjoy a good small company of my closest friends and family - but that doesn't mean that I don't need my personal space, it's just that I don't need that wide a distance of my personal space compared to strangers or acquaintances.
I am writing this because it's been a while since I actually ponder on what kind of person I am. Being an introvert is not something new to me, but yet it is so important for me to remind myself that the things I do and the things I felt are not something out of character (read: gone crazy). This is one of the ways to tell that I am thinking and trying to organize my thoughts.
introvertI actually feel pretty happy to know that in recent years, people have been talking about how being an introvert isn't a negative thing - such as, introverts just enjoy some lone time by ourselves just like how extroverts enjoy socializing with friends. It's not entirely like an anti-social or a shy behaviour.
a person concerned primarily with inner thoughts and feelings rather than with the physical or social environment.
I identify myself as an introvert at a young age - but being an introvert isn't something to be proud of back then. I had even once doubted that maybe I wasn't actually an introvert - because at times I don't feel "extremely shy" but I even enjoyed performing or speaking in public at some point. But I am still an introvert. Being introverted is not about being unable to deliver or express something in front of people. (Side note: I am still a shy person regardless.)
I am an introvert - whether at times I may or may not look like one. Introverts do enjoy talking and mingling with people - just not all the time. There's another thing that I would like to mention which is regarding personal space. I suppose this is not an introvert-only thing, but I just wanted to highlight that introverts probably treasure personal space a bit more than extroverts. Some extrovert friends would tell me they'd feel bored and lonely when there's no one in the house, so they would ask their friends to hang out with them. But I suppose this is different for the introverts. I'd be more than happy to enjoy this expanded solitude and doesn't have to share the space with anyone else. Of course, I would still enjoy a good small company of my closest friends and family - but that doesn't mean that I don't need my personal space, it's just that I don't need that wide a distance of my personal space compared to strangers or acquaintances.
I am writing this because it's been a while since I actually ponder on what kind of person I am. Being an introvert is not something new to me, but yet it is so important for me to remind myself that the things I do and the things I felt are not something out of character (read: gone crazy). This is one of the ways to tell that I am thinking and trying to organize my thoughts.
17.6.13
Flipping the calendar backwards
JUNE
1. 160613
Happy Fathers' Day!
...I am still saying it - I miss you Papa. ;_;
2. 160613
What a coincidence!
We met my friend and her family while they were crossing the road on the zebra-crossing right in front of our car.
3. 160613
So, today Violet taught me a new trick - writing stories starting from the ending.
That way I'll probably never come to the situation that I usually get - I have no idea how to end this story.
I was pretty excited about this new method - and start to think backwards and start doing mind maps, branching out ideas.
It's pretty cool and all, but now - I have no idea how to start this story. Haha.
...Then I decided to write something starting from this moment and going back to the beginning of the year.
4.
Facing a test of endurance and patience - even if I am feeling hurt, I will not try to take revenge and hurt someone back. I was tempted but I know it's never the right way to solve things.
5.
Blind spot:
Some people are trying hard to do the right things, and taking actions against the people who are against them, but never even once this thought of standing on the wrong side have crossed their minds.
6.
My uncle passed away. No words can describe grief.
MAY
1.
I'm a slow person. Learn slow, think slow, eat slow, shower slow, warming-up-to-people slow, pee slow. Sorry about it, and thanks for the warm welcome and friendly chats.
2.
Grey areas are popular, we don't want to choose a side, not black, not white; we want to just fit inside the grey area, thinking that we could get the best of both sides. It is completely ok sometimes, but at other times choices has to be made, because there isn't actually any grey areas (that can last long maybe?), because if you're not one of us, then you're one of them.
APRIL
1.
Work
- Switched projects
- More fun, more challenging, and more time spent on work too
MARCH
1.
Before 2012 ended, I thought I'd make a 2013 resolution, but it never happened;
and here I am, standing at the beginning of the third month in 2013.
Time seems to move at an increasing speed multiplied by a positive constant n% of the number of days I've lived... (?)
and life becomes more challenging when now I am trying hard to catch up with it.
But all is good.
FEBRUARY
1.
Chinese New Year
Lots of fireworks this year, it was great listening to the fireworks - just like when I was still a kid.
2.
Don't think I have ever posted my jobs on my blog before.
Maybe I never felt proud enough or secure enough to share it.
Never once have I dreamt that I could get a job in the games industry.
I think I love my current job much.
JANUARY
1. 130113
Went to visit Papa's grave on his birthday. :)
2. 120113
I am baptised into Jesus Christ! I am a Seventh-Day Adventist.
I am a new adventist, I have much to learn.
1. 160613
Happy Fathers' Day!
...I am still saying it - I miss you Papa. ;_;
2. 160613
What a coincidence!
We met my friend and her family while they were crossing the road on the zebra-crossing right in front of our car.
3. 160613
So, today Violet taught me a new trick - writing stories starting from the ending.
That way I'll probably never come to the situation that I usually get - I have no idea how to end this story.
I was pretty excited about this new method - and start to think backwards and start doing mind maps, branching out ideas.
It's pretty cool and all, but now - I have no idea how to start this story. Haha.
...Then I decided to write something starting from this moment and going back to the beginning of the year.
4.
Facing a test of endurance and patience - even if I am feeling hurt, I will not try to take revenge and hurt someone back. I was tempted but I know it's never the right way to solve things.
5.
Blind spot:
Some people are trying hard to do the right things, and taking actions against the people who are against them, but never even once this thought of standing on the wrong side have crossed their minds.
6.
My uncle passed away. No words can describe grief.
MAY
1.
I'm a slow person. Learn slow, think slow, eat slow, shower slow, warming-up-to-people slow, pee slow. Sorry about it, and thanks for the warm welcome and friendly chats.
2.
Grey areas are popular, we don't want to choose a side, not black, not white; we want to just fit inside the grey area, thinking that we could get the best of both sides. It is completely ok sometimes, but at other times choices has to be made, because there isn't actually any grey areas (that can last long maybe?), because if you're not one of us, then you're one of them.
APRIL
1.
Work
- Switched projects
- More fun, more challenging, and more time spent on work too
MARCH
1.
Before 2012 ended, I thought I'd make a 2013 resolution, but it never happened;
and here I am, standing at the beginning of the third month in 2013.
Time seems to move at an increasing speed multiplied by a positive constant n% of the number of days I've lived... (?)
and life becomes more challenging when now I am trying hard to catch up with it.
But all is good.
FEBRUARY
1.
Chinese New Year
Lots of fireworks this year, it was great listening to the fireworks - just like when I was still a kid.
2.
Don't think I have ever posted my jobs on my blog before.
Maybe I never felt proud enough or secure enough to share it.
Never once have I dreamt that I could get a job in the games industry.
I think I love my current job much.
JANUARY
1. 130113
Went to visit Papa's grave on his birthday. :)
2. 120113
I am baptised into Jesus Christ! I am a Seventh-Day Adventist.
I am a new adventist, I have much to learn.
26.6.12
Humility
Sometimes we are more forgetful than we thought. Skills that you have mastered could become rusty if don't brush them up consistently; and a lesson learnt might just slip away as if nothing has happened before - until a friend reminds me recently.
Pride comes before a fall.
If I were to compare, the falls that I experienced are nothing at all. But they're significant to me - because I grew up surrounded by compliments and praises. These words have shaped me, and my confidence are built up depending on these. I looked down on failures, because I was always on top of the hill. I believed I was that good, and I could master anything if I wanted to. It's like standing on top of a tower and looking at the sky and thinking that I could fly if I want to.
So.. there comes the continuous and repetitive failures in my academic performance, my co-curriculum activities and my social life.
I have never stood on the solid ground looking forward and looking up - if weren't for the falls that God have placed me in. Those were my lessons, lessons of being humble. I don't have to put myself bigger and higher than anybody else, because the only one who is bigger and higher is God Himself.
And during my depressed moments - I had a really close friend that I would say my only close friend in my university period, we've known each other for not long - but the closeness and encouragement is always there. If it weren't for her, I never had the courage to move on.
"It's amazing how God connects people," a colleague told me this, Amen. Never know I would someone like her - she's like a reflection of my mind, it's kind of creepy when we talk, as if she's speaking from my mind, and best of all, God knows I don't have a church of believer-friends to support me in times of need, He placed His people around me, so I can still rely and look for them if I need support.
Failures and downhill of life are just lessons from God - He wants to teach us something more valuable, He wants to tell us that we are not the one in charge of our own life, but He is - He wants to reveal Himself to us - He wants us to know that we can always rely on Him, because through Him, we are strengthened.
And He always want me to know, that He'll never let me stray far from Him. Each and every time when I become lost - He will come back and look for me. I am always found. He is that good.
Dear Heavenly Father, I want to rely on You to change my terrible temper. I am not perfect and I can't do this on my own - but through God, everything is possible. In Jesus Name, Amen.
Pride comes before a fall.
If I were to compare, the falls that I experienced are nothing at all. But they're significant to me - because I grew up surrounded by compliments and praises. These words have shaped me, and my confidence are built up depending on these. I looked down on failures, because I was always on top of the hill. I believed I was that good, and I could master anything if I wanted to. It's like standing on top of a tower and looking at the sky and thinking that I could fly if I want to.
So.. there comes the continuous and repetitive failures in my academic performance, my co-curriculum activities and my social life.
I have never stood on the solid ground looking forward and looking up - if weren't for the falls that God have placed me in. Those were my lessons, lessons of being humble. I don't have to put myself bigger and higher than anybody else, because the only one who is bigger and higher is God Himself.
And during my depressed moments - I had a really close friend that I would say my only close friend in my university period, we've known each other for not long - but the closeness and encouragement is always there. If it weren't for her, I never had the courage to move on.
"It's amazing how God connects people," a colleague told me this, Amen. Never know I would someone like her - she's like a reflection of my mind, it's kind of creepy when we talk, as if she's speaking from my mind, and best of all, God knows I don't have a church of believer-friends to support me in times of need, He placed His people around me, so I can still rely and look for them if I need support.
Failures and downhill of life are just lessons from God - He wants to teach us something more valuable, He wants to tell us that we are not the one in charge of our own life, but He is - He wants to reveal Himself to us - He wants us to know that we can always rely on Him, because through Him, we are strengthened.
And He always want me to know, that He'll never let me stray far from Him. Each and every time when I become lost - He will come back and look for me. I am always found. He is that good.
Dear Heavenly Father, I want to rely on You to change my terrible temper. I am not perfect and I can't do this on my own - but through God, everything is possible. In Jesus Name, Amen.
10.1.12
2012 Resolutions | 續序2012
2011年主題為“亂中帶序”，今年想繼續維持一定的秩序與規律，所以命為“續序”。
二十五歲了，想趕在二十九歲以前做一些能讓自己自豪一輩子的事，人生的十年我已過了兩個，而第三個十年一點也不遠，所以必須加倍珍惜每一年每一天。
新年目標我定下了十一項：
細說各項：
二十五歲了，想趕在二十九歲以前做一些能讓自己自豪一輩子的事，人生的十年我已過了兩個，而第三個十年一點也不遠，所以必須加倍珍惜每一年每一天。
新年目標我定下了十一項：
- Live in God
- Become a better person
- Become a better daughter/sister
- 自我溝通
- Exercise
- Financial Planning
- To drive more often
- Reading
- Revise basic Nihongo and Hangul
- Lefty's Training
- ll-m
細說各項：
| 1 | Live in God |
| i | attend church/lifechurch |
| ii | read bible |
| through youversion's reading plans, online bible | |
| through revising and memorizing verses | |
| iii | childlike faith |
| keep praying | |
| never give up, never lose hope |
| 2 | Become a better person |
| (as an individual) | |
| i | be diligent |
| ii | be confident |
| iii | be understanding |
| 3 | Become a better daughter/sister |
| (as a family member) | |
| i | help with family matters |
| ii | help to do chores |
| iii | help with cooking |
| iv | be caring |
| v | be patient |
| 4 | 自我溝通 |
| (through different means of expression) | |
| i | express and communicate with self |
| through writing, drawing, shooting etc | |
| ii | get myself a DSLR |
| 5 | Exercise |
| i | do stretching daily: make a daily stretching plan |
| ii | be able to touch the ground |
| iii | get a pair of running/sports shoes |
| 6 | Financial Planning |
| i | plan expenses/loan/savings/debt |
| ii | stick with the plan |
| 7 | To drive more often | ||||||||
| 8 | Reading | ||||||||
| i | finish 7 books |
| 9 | Revise basic Nihongo and Hangul |
| i | be able to read nihongo smoothly |
| ii | recognize some basic kanji |
| iii | learn some basic phrases |
| iv | be able to recognize hangul vowels and consonants |
| 10 | Lefty's Training |
| i | brush teeth in the morning |
| ii | weekly doodle/writing |
| 11 | ll-m |
| (showcasing hobbies/(art)works) | |
| i | make plans for ll-m |
31.12.11
二零一一年目標回顧 | 2011 Resolution Review
2011, a year of mixed feelings.
Thank you Lord for all His blessings for me even though I did not deserved them.
I completed 5 out of 11 resolutions that I made, I need to have a clearer idea on what I want to do in the coming year.
1. Relationship with God. = Success =
Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for your unconditioned love and patience for me, please discipline me and teach me to put You first in everything I do.
- first thing in the morning, pray to God
- attends life church and talk-it-over discussions
-complete Youversion reading plan by May 2011
= I did not pray in the mornings consistently, but my faith has grown stronger than ever - I kept making this prayer few years back to God to strengthen my faith, and now He made my faith strong.
= I did not attend Lifechurch consistently, especially during the last quarter of the year, I did not attend even once. But God gave me a strong push in going to a physical church.
= Completed Youversion reading plan in May 2011.
2. Writing.= Success =
There are voices in my mind 24/7. They never shut up and sometimes I lose control of my emotions and feel very bipolar. I'm sorry that I'm unstable.
- jot down/take pic of important things
- organize my messy thoughts
= I am picking this habit back again, around the month of October, since father was in the hospital.
3. Exercise.= Failed =
Exercise helps to balance brain chemicals. Besides staying healthy, it helps to maintain my 'healthy' mood, so I will have less unstable times.
- jogging and/or swimming every weekend, 1 - 2 time(s)
- basic stretching
- wants to be able to bend over and touch the ground
= My old sports shoes doesn't work well anymore, so I stopped jogging.
= I did not do much stretching and I still can't touch the ground without bending my knees.
= I've gained 2kg of weight, grown fatter around the tummy/waist/buttock area.
4. Reading. = Success =
Reading keeps me focused and ponder on some thoughts. I seriously need to relearn how to focus and concentrate.
-Finish "1Q84" (book 1 & 2) by Murakami Haruki
-NEW: Finish "1Q84" (book 3) by Murakami Haruki
- Finish "艺术治疗" by Dr. Shaun McNiff
-Finish Phil Yeh's and Chin Yew's Comics
= I haven't finish Dr. Shaun McNiff's 藝術治療, but I considered this a success because I've been reading something everyday as a habit already.
= Read mangas online, I am too lazy to list down the titles.
= Read 1Q84 (Book 1-3) by 村上春樹, Phil Yeh and Chin Yew's graphic novels, 廚房by 吉本芭娜娜，Peacemaker Kurogane Vol.1-5 (manga), Clive Barker's The Thief Of Always (graphic novel).
= Currently still reading 藝術治療, Dr Shaun McNiff / 徐志摩詩集 / Becoming A Person Of Influence, John C. Maxwell, Jim Dornan
5. Train my left hand. = Failed =
Due to less-than-severe-but-not-light injury from repetitive strain on my right hand/arm/颈椎, I would really want to put less strain on my right hand by training my left hand to do certain simple activities. It's good for the brain too.
- brush teeth
- write
- doodle
= I learnt how to brush my teeth with my left hand, but not writing and doodling. But I'm glad that the arm is not hurting soooo much already.
6. Tidy/Cleaning Up Areas and Files. = Failed =
Workspace and the environment reflects your mind state. This has been on my to-do list like... for years. *guilty and embarassed* Yeah I have a very messy state of mind. I need to do something about it, the aim is to be “乱中有序” (luan4 zhong1 you3 xu4)，which means it seems messy but in fact there are certain rules/discipline to it, this has been my “座右铭” (zuo4 you4 ming2，motto) since high school.
Areas:
- workspace
- wardrobe
- bookcase(s)
- room desk
- room shelves
Digital Files and Non-digital Files:
- back up important files
- arrange them in appropriate folders and location
- Photos: upload.
= Although I did some cleaning up, but it's still not enough to tick all the above off.
7. Draw. = Failed =
I wonder why I almost put this last.
- Paint something digitally.
- Clean up my dA deviations.
= I almost wanted to put a success until I read what I typed: paint something digitally and cleaning up dA deviations. I did not 'paint' something digitally, and I left my dA as it was, besides uploaded some traditional works once in a while.
8. Revise Japanese Language.= Failed =
- just wanna be able to read hiragana and katakana without any difficulty
= I revised but slacked off since the 3rd quarter of the year.
9. ll-m. = Failed =
No clear plans on this yet, but I will try.
= I still don't know what I want to do with this. Swt.
10. Graduate and earn money. = Success =
Does this count? But I really wanna graduate very badly.
This is vague but yeah, regardless of full-time or part-time job, earn a decent amount of money then pay my own debts and give money to parents.
= Haven't pay all the debts - but I graduated and earned some money. Just that I couldn't gave it to my papa anymore, but I still have my lovely mama to give.
11. Drive to places. = Success =
If you see a driver that annoys you so much that you can't stop honking and pressure her, that's probably me. Sorry, I very noob, please forgive me, but I really have to learn to drive to places by myself. T_T
.= I drove to places, but still not very good in recognizing roads and directions. A good start, and a good experience of a minor accident and making a police report and claiming insurance.
Thank you Lord for all His blessings for me even though I did not deserved them.
I completed 5 out of 11 resolutions that I made, I need to have a clearer idea on what I want to do in the coming year.
1. Relationship with God. = Success =
Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for your unconditioned love and patience for me, please discipline me and teach me to put You first in everything I do.
- first thing in the morning, pray to God
- attends life church and talk-it-over discussions
-
= I did not pray in the mornings consistently, but my faith has grown stronger than ever - I kept making this prayer few years back to God to strengthen my faith, and now He made my faith strong.
= I did not attend Lifechurch consistently, especially during the last quarter of the year, I did not attend even once. But God gave me a strong push in going to a physical church.
= Completed Youversion reading plan in May 2011.
2. Writing.= Success =
There are voices in my mind 24/7. They never shut up and sometimes I lose control of my emotions and feel very bipolar. I'm sorry that I'm unstable.
- jot down/take pic of important things
- organize my messy thoughts
= I am picking this habit back again, around the month of October, since father was in the hospital.
3. Exercise.= Failed =
Exercise helps to balance brain chemicals. Besides staying healthy, it helps to maintain my 'healthy' mood, so I will have less unstable times.
- jogging and/or swimming every weekend, 1 - 2 time(s)
- basic stretching
- wants to be able to bend over and touch the ground
= My old sports shoes doesn't work well anymore, so I stopped jogging.
= I did not do much stretching and I still can't touch the ground without bending my knees.
= I've gained 2kg of weight, grown fatter around the tummy/waist/buttock area.
4. Reading. = Success =
Reading keeps me focused and ponder on some thoughts. I seriously need to relearn how to focus and concentrate.
-
-
- Finish "艺术治疗" by Dr. Shaun McNiff
-
= I haven't finish Dr. Shaun McNiff's 藝術治療, but I considered this a success because I've been reading something everyday as a habit already.
= Read mangas online, I am too lazy to list down the titles.
= Read 1Q84 (Book 1-3) by 村上春樹, Phil Yeh and Chin Yew's graphic novels, 廚房by 吉本芭娜娜，Peacemaker Kurogane Vol.1-5 (manga), Clive Barker's The Thief Of Always (graphic novel).
= Currently still reading 藝術治療, Dr Shaun McNiff / 徐志摩詩集 / Becoming A Person Of Influence, John C. Maxwell, Jim Dornan
5. Train my left hand. = Failed =
Due to less-than-severe-but-not-light injury from repetitive strain on my right hand/arm/颈椎, I would really want to put less strain on my right hand by training my left hand to do certain simple activities. It's good for the brain too.
- brush teeth
- write
- doodle
= I learnt how to brush my teeth with my left hand, but not writing and doodling. But I'm glad that the arm is not hurting soooo much already.
6. Tidy/Cleaning Up Areas and Files. = Failed =
Workspace and the environment reflects your mind state. This has been on my to-do list like... for years. *guilty and embarassed* Yeah I have a very messy state of mind. I need to do something about it, the aim is to be “乱中有序” (luan4 zhong1 you3 xu4)，which means it seems messy but in fact there are certain rules/discipline to it, this has been my “座右铭” (zuo4 you4 ming2，motto) since high school.
Areas:
- workspace
- wardrobe
- bookcase(s)
- room desk
- room shelves
Digital Files and Non-digital Files:
- back up important files
- arrange them in appropriate folders and location
- Photos: upload.
= Although I did some cleaning up, but it's still not enough to tick all the above off.
7. Draw. = Failed =
I wonder why I almost put this last.
- Paint something digitally.
- Clean up my dA deviations.
= I almost wanted to put a success until I read what I typed: paint something digitally and cleaning up dA deviations. I did not 'paint' something digitally, and I left my dA as it was, besides uploaded some traditional works once in a while.
8. Revise Japanese Language.= Failed =
- just wanna be able to read hiragana and katakana without any difficulty
= I revised but slacked off since the 3rd quarter of the year.
9. ll-m. = Failed =
No clear plans on this yet, but I will try.
= I still don't know what I want to do with this. Swt.
10. Graduate and earn money. = Success =
Does this count? But I really wanna graduate very badly.
This is vague but yeah, regardless of full-time or part-time job, earn a decent amount of money then pay my own debts and give money to parents.
= Haven't pay all the debts - but I graduated and earned some money. Just that I couldn't gave it to my papa anymore, but I still have my lovely mama to give.
11. Drive to places. = Success =
If you see a driver that annoys you so much that you can't stop honking and pressure her, that's probably me. Sorry, I very noob, please forgive me, but I really have to learn to drive to places by myself. T_T
.= I drove to places, but still not very good in recognizing roads and directions. A good start, and a good experience of a minor accident and making a police report and claiming insurance.
30.12.11
十二月份报告 | Monthly Report: December 2011
過得有一點恍惚，有一點不真實。
爸爸離開我們，剛好一個月了。
我從小就是個哭包，想爸爸的時候
就哭了。有時候哭兩分鐘。
有時候哭一個小時。
有時候哭了又止、止了又哭。
不等。
（爸爸不喜歡別人哭。
我不可以哭醬多。）
哥今天寫了一句話
"It's been a month since father's left. We've kept things the same, but somehow they're different now."
再也貼切不過了。
1. Relationship with God.
- Did not attend lifechurch and lifegroup meetings.
- Attended Christmas Eve's gathering at church with bf, God gave him a special gift this Christmas. :)
- Attended church on Christmas day too.
- When I start to distance myself with Him, I easily got caught back in the negative self-pity self. The devil will try to fill in the void inside whenever I let myself become vacant.
4. Reading.
- 藝術治療, Dr Shaun McNiff pg.127
- 徐志摩詩集 pg.85
- Becoming A Person Of Influence, John C. Maxwell, Jim Dornan pg.15
- and read quite some mangas online that I didn't bother to list down
11. Drive to places.
- 27/12那天，出車禍了，對方車子不讓，所以我撞上去了。大家都說是小意外，可是對方堅持要報警。我被罰了款。也辛苦哥和嫂載我到處跑著處理文件和保險的事，還有浪費很多在警察局等待的時間。第一次車禍，嚇死我了。
明天再貼上一整年目標達成與否的總結。
爸爸離開我們，剛好一個月了。
我從小就是個哭包，想爸爸的時候
就哭了。有時候哭兩分鐘。
有時候哭一個小時。
有時候哭了又止、止了又哭。
不等。
（爸爸不喜歡別人哭。
我不可以哭醬多。）
哥今天寫了一句話
"It's been a month since father's left. We've kept things the same, but somehow they're different now."
再也貼切不過了。
1. Relationship with God.
- Did not attend lifechurch and lifegroup meetings.
- Attended Christmas Eve's gathering at church with bf, God gave him a special gift this Christmas. :)
- Attended church on Christmas day too.
- When I start to distance myself with Him, I easily got caught back in the negative self-pity self. The devil will try to fill in the void inside whenever I let myself become vacant.
4. Reading.
- 藝術治療, Dr Shaun McNiff pg.127
- 徐志摩詩集 pg.85
- Becoming A Person Of Influence, John C. Maxwell, Jim Dornan pg.15
- and read quite some mangas online that I didn't bother to list down
11. Drive to places.
- 27/12那天，出車禍了，對方車子不讓，所以我撞上去了。大家都說是小意外，可是對方堅持要報警。我被罰了款。也辛苦哥和嫂載我到處跑著處理文件和保險的事，還有浪費很多在警察局等待的時間。第一次車禍，嚇死我了。
明天再貼上一整年目標達成與否的總結。
9.12.11
十一月份报告 | Monthly Report: November 2011
時間過得很快，尤其在年齡登上二十的寶座之後。
爸爸在十一月的最後一天離開了。
感謝上帝，financially blessed 了我們一家，感謝上帝願意在我們獻上微不足道的tithe和offering裡，接受了並multiply我們所獻上的，我們一家才能夠擁有如此大的福氣。
也感謝上帝，沒有對我們太狠心……先讓我們稍微適應家裡沒有爸爸的日子，才慢慢讓聖靈進入把拔的心，才慢慢帶走父親，雖然沒有親眼看見天使，但我會不斷地祈求，懇請上帝的天使們繼續守護著父親。
謝謝教友Shaista D以及朋友們的祈禱
謝謝所有教會的親戚朋友不斷地為父親禱告
上帝會賜福與你們。
上帝對我們prayers的回答只有三，那就是“Yes”, “Later” 或 “I have a better plan”
雖然上帝對我們的祈求沒有說“Yes”，可是我們深信上帝會有更好的計劃，
上帝是我們全能的神。
謝謝親愛姐妹們的支持，我很感動；
還有被坤中情聯繫著的朋友，雖然我們不曾很熟絡，
可是你們恰當的問候與支持，很讓人窩心。
1. Relationship with God.
- Did not attend lifechurch nor lifegroup meetings. :(
- Attended church once.
- Been seeing a lot of God's work and God's people at work, and there are many God's people around me.
- He gave me peace and took away my worries.
4. Reading.
- 藝術治療, Dr Shaun McNiff
- 徐志摩詩集
- Becoming A Person Of Influence, John C. Maxwell, Jim Dornan
爸爸在十一月的最後一天離開了。
感謝上帝，financially blessed 了我們一家，感謝上帝願意在我們獻上微不足道的tithe和offering裡，接受了並multiply我們所獻上的，我們一家才能夠擁有如此大的福氣。
也感謝上帝，沒有對我們太狠心……先讓我們稍微適應家裡沒有爸爸的日子，才慢慢讓聖靈進入把拔的心，才慢慢帶走父親，雖然沒有親眼看見天使，但我會不斷地祈求，懇請上帝的天使們繼續守護著父親。
謝謝教友Shaista D以及朋友們的祈禱
謝謝所有教會的親戚朋友不斷地為父親禱告
上帝會賜福與你們。
上帝對我們prayers的回答只有三，那就是“Yes”, “Later” 或 “I have a better plan”
雖然上帝對我們的祈求沒有說“Yes”，可是我們深信上帝會有更好的計劃，
上帝是我們全能的神。
謝謝親愛姐妹們的支持，我很感動；
還有被坤中情聯繫著的朋友，雖然我們不曾很熟絡，
可是你們恰當的問候與支持，很讓人窩心。
1. Relationship with God.
- Did not attend lifechurch nor lifegroup meetings. :(
- Attended church once.
- Been seeing a lot of God's work and God's people at work, and there are many God's people around me.
- He gave me peace and took away my worries.
4. Reading.
- 藝術治療, Dr Shaun McNiff
- 徐志摩詩集
- Becoming A Person Of Influence, John C. Maxwell, Jim Dornan
7.11.11
十月份报告 | Monthly Report: October 2011
Things happened.
I'm trying to cope with it by searching for a job, in hope that when he recovers, I could tell him I'm happily working in some company already. He had seen me doing nothing at home after I completed my studies. I think this used to worried him. I'm trying to make up for things - although I'm not sure how. I even thought that maybe it was because that I wanted to run away from problems, so I kept myself busy with my job. But I think it's not really running away, it's just that I wanted to do something, than to see him suffer and couldn't help.
Hope is getting vague each day. But I still want to believe, things happen for a reason, and us being in the situation can't see the big picture yet. So I want to keep on believing, no matter how impossible it may seem, because God is infinite. I believe in miracles, and I want to witness the miracle. I will keep on believing in the most impossible, because God can make everything possible.
1. Relationship with God.
- Attended twice of church online sermons for the first two weeks.
4. Reading.
- Read Clive Barker's The Thief Of Always, graphic novel adaptation.
5. Train my left hand.
For brushing teeth and petty little things occasionally, because my right hand's aching doesn't occur so often anymore.
I'm trying to cope with it by searching for a job, in hope that when he recovers, I could tell him I'm happily working in some company already. He had seen me doing nothing at home after I completed my studies. I think this used to worried him. I'm trying to make up for things - although I'm not sure how. I even thought that maybe it was because that I wanted to run away from problems, so I kept myself busy with my job. But I think it's not really running away, it's just that I wanted to do something, than to see him suffer and couldn't help.
Hope is getting vague each day. But I still want to believe, things happen for a reason, and us being in the situation can't see the big picture yet. So I want to keep on believing, no matter how impossible it may seem, because God is infinite. I believe in miracles, and I want to witness the miracle. I will keep on believing in the most impossible, because God can make everything possible.
1. Relationship with God.
- Attended twice of church online sermons for the first two weeks.
4. Reading.
- Read Clive Barker's The Thief Of Always, graphic novel adaptation.
5. Train my left hand.
For brushing teeth and petty little things occasionally, because my right hand's aching doesn't occur so often anymore.
15.10.11
九月份报告 | Monthly Report: September 2011
Sorry I've forgotten to publish this. Not much things done.
1. Relationship with God.
- Missed church online.
- Completed "Major Events" reading plan on Youversion
4. Reading.
- Dr. Shaun McNiff's "艺术治疗" (Art as Medicine), at pg 111. (9 pages this month, swt)
- Been reading Peacemaker manga I've bought very long ago (2005), vol. 1 to 5.
5. Train my left hand.
Only used it for brushing teeth occasionally.
6. Tidy/Cleaning Up Areas and Files.
Slowly progressing.
1. Relationship with God.
- Missed church online.
- Completed "Major Events" reading plan on Youversion
4. Reading.
- Dr. Shaun McNiff's "艺术治疗" (Art as Medicine), at pg 111. (9 pages this month, swt)
- Been reading Peacemaker manga I've bought very long ago (2005), vol. 1 to 5.
5. Train my left hand.
Only used it for brushing teeth occasionally.
6. Tidy/Cleaning Up Areas and Files.
Slowly progressing.
4.9.11
八月份报告 | Monthly Report: August 2011
Selamat Hari Raya and Happy Merdeka Day to all!
Time to conclude this month's progress again.
1. Relationship with God.
- Downloaded and watched 4 Lifechurch sermons, 1 complete series of "BOLD"
- Am on track for my "Major Events" reading plan on Youversion
4. Reading.
- Dr. Shaun McNiff's "艺术治疗" (Art as Medicine), at pg 102. (20 pages per month -_-)
5. Train my left hand.
Fairly good in using my left hand to brush teeth, just not as fast and strong as the right hand.
6. Tidy/Cleaning Up Areas and Files.
Been cleaning up some boxes and areas of my room.
7. Draw.
Drawn 1 picture. Not posted online yet.
Time to conclude this month's progress again.
1. Relationship with God.
- Downloaded and watched 4 Lifechurch sermons, 1 complete series of "BOLD"
- Am on track for my "Major Events" reading plan on Youversion
4. Reading.
- Dr. Shaun McNiff's "艺术治疗" (Art as Medicine), at pg 102. (20 pages per month -_-)
5. Train my left hand.
Fairly good in using my left hand to brush teeth, just not as fast and strong as the right hand.
6. Tidy/Cleaning Up Areas and Files.
Been cleaning up some boxes and areas of my room.
7. Draw.
Drawn 1 picture. Not posted online yet.
3.8.11
七月份报告 | Monthly Report: July 2011
1. Relationship with God.
- Attended 4 Lifechurch sessions, 1 complete series of "At The Movies"
- Am on track for my "Major Events" reading plan on Youversion
- Starting reading my new believer's bible from lifechurch as a gift
- Feeling grateful for everyday, feeling closer to God, and feeling Him close to me too :)
2. Writing.
- I blogged. Yeah.
3. Exercise.
- Only did inconsistent stretching exercises at home.
- Toe wound infection, can't swim.
- Sports shoes defect, can't jog comfortably. My shoes are making my feet pain even before I start to jog.
4. Reading.
-Finished reading "Kitchen" (厨房) by Yoshimoto Banana （吉本芭娜娜）, sure is a sad emotional book.
- Dr. Shaun McNiff's "艺术治疗" (Art as Medicine), at pg 81.
5. Train my left hand.
Not doing any drawing and writing exercises with my left hand. But I'm fairly good in using my left hand to brush teeth already. But it's still slower and some angles are still very awkward to brush with the left hand.
6. Tidy/Cleaning Up Areas and Files.
Been cleaning up parts of my workspace, my room and my laptop. Feels good!
Hope could get everything done soon!
7. Draw.
- Drawn 1 small pic. Heh. Extremely low productivity.
.
- Attended 4 Lifechurch sessions, 1 complete series of "At The Movies"
- Am on track for my "Major Events" reading plan on Youversion
- Starting reading my new believer's bible from lifechurch as a gift
- Feeling grateful for everyday, feeling closer to God, and feeling Him close to me too :)
2. Writing.
- I blogged. Yeah.
3. Exercise.
- Only did inconsistent stretching exercises at home.
- Toe wound infection, can't swim.
- Sports shoes defect, can't jog comfortably. My shoes are making my feet pain even before I start to jog.
4. Reading.
-
- Dr. Shaun McNiff's "艺术治疗" (Art as Medicine), at pg 81.
5. Train my left hand.
Not doing any drawing and writing exercises with my left hand. But I'm fairly good in using my left hand to brush teeth already. But it's still slower and some angles are still very awkward to brush with the left hand.
6. Tidy/Cleaning Up Areas and Files.
Been cleaning up parts of my workspace, my room and my laptop. Feels good!
Hope could get everything done soon!
7. Draw.
- Drawn 1 small pic. Heh. Extremely low productivity.
.
27.7.11
欲言又止
写过了很多篇draft,但还是没有publish出来。
我还是觉得应该对自己说过的话负责任。
发表过的文章，不能够随便再拿下来，不然部落格就没有了可信度。
在面子书发表过的言论，我也没有删除，毕竟只是想对自己的言行负责；这是我做人的原则之一。
所谓一言既出驷马难追，用嘴巴说的话像泼出去的水一样，没有办法收回的。
虽然现在数码科技允许我们undo及delete, 并不代表我们就可以随便对自己的言行undo和delete。
这样跟杀了人再毁灭证据有什么不一样？！（笑）
我就是这样偏执，懂我的朋友们大概都懂我对这一方面到底是有多么地坚守不移的。
巨蟹座的原则，大概只有巨蟹座的人才懂，可能还有那些固执的星座才懂（笑）。
巨蟹座有时候真的很令人讨厌，我自己也受不了自己。
所以其实呵，我是非常不认同那些喜欢发表煽动性的言论的朋友！发表了之后，发现有太多攻击性质的回复时，就不了了之地把自己和别人的回复言论一并删除了。这不是不负责任叫什么？！（激动）
就好像你不能够发脾气然后随便上街骂人家是猪头饼，然后恢复理智了就随便讲一声soli就拍拍屁股走人的啊。
虽然文字上的impact看来没有言语上的那样大，可是影响力和杀伤力是一定有的，不是说undo和delete了就可以一并把那些杀伤力undo或delete掉的。
可是又能怎么办，世界又不是绕着我而转动的。
所以很多时候，我...欲post又止了。（笑）
有一个朋友让我很敬佩的，他老是给朋友们“欺负”，有时候感觉上不是恶意地欺负或中伤他啦，可是每次不管他在不在场，朋友们就是喜欢把他当笑柄，然而他也不会反驳或抗议什么的，就还是很乐意地娱乐大家，好像也不介意别人把他当笑话。有一次我看不过眼，就私底下问他说怎么每次被人笑话都没有抗议或为自己辩护呢？他的回答很简短，也让我印象深刻，他只是笑笑地说，“因为我不想说一些我以后可能会后悔的话啊。”
这又让我想起以前学姐莹运在生活营里说过的话，那时因为玩团康游戏，然后输了都会有惩罚的，我知道惩罚的方式还真的是很尴尬难堪的，当然旁人看在眼里是很好笑的啦，可是她完成了惩罚之后，还不介意跟大家一起笑着说了一句“能够娱乐大家是我的荣幸！”
啊，太高境界了～我得多多学习才行！然后很巧的是，以上两位朋友……都是巨蟹座的哟！我只是希望自己不会变得太令人讨厌的巨蟹座啦。（笑）
我还是觉得应该对自己说过的话负责任。
发表过的文章，不能够随便再拿下来，不然部落格就没有了可信度。
在面子书发表过的言论，我也没有删除，毕竟只是想对自己的言行负责；这是我做人的原则之一。
所谓一言既出驷马难追，用嘴巴说的话像泼出去的水一样，没有办法收回的。
虽然现在数码科技允许我们undo及delete, 并不代表我们就可以随便对自己的言行undo和delete。
这样跟杀了人再毁灭证据有什么不一样？！（笑）
我就是这样偏执，懂我的朋友们大概都懂我对这一方面到底是有多么地坚守不移的。
巨蟹座的原则，大概只有巨蟹座的人才懂，可能还有那些固执的星座才懂（笑）。
巨蟹座有时候真的很令人讨厌，我自己也受不了自己。
所以其实呵，我是非常不认同那些喜欢发表煽动性的言论的朋友！发表了之后，发现有太多攻击性质的回复时，就不了了之地把自己和别人的回复言论一并删除了。这不是不负责任叫什么？！（激动）
就好像你不能够发脾气然后随便上街骂人家是猪头饼，然后恢复理智了就随便讲一声soli就拍拍屁股走人的啊。
虽然文字上的impact看来没有言语上的那样大，可是影响力和杀伤力是一定有的，不是说undo和delete了就可以一并把那些杀伤力undo或delete掉的。
可是又能怎么办，世界又不是绕着我而转动的。
所以很多时候，我...欲post又止了。（笑）
有一个朋友让我很敬佩的，他老是给朋友们“欺负”，有时候感觉上不是恶意地欺负或中伤他啦，可是每次不管他在不在场，朋友们就是喜欢把他当笑柄，然而他也不会反驳或抗议什么的，就还是很乐意地娱乐大家，好像也不介意别人把他当笑话。有一次我看不过眼，就私底下问他说怎么每次被人笑话都没有抗议或为自己辩护呢？他的回答很简短，也让我印象深刻，他只是笑笑地说，“因为我不想说一些我以后可能会后悔的话啊。”
这又让我想起以前学姐莹运在生活营里说过的话，那时因为玩团康游戏，然后输了都会有惩罚的，我知道惩罚的方式还真的是很尴尬难堪的，当然旁人看在眼里是很好笑的啦，可是她完成了惩罚之后，还不介意跟大家一起笑着说了一句“能够娱乐大家是我的荣幸！”
啊，太高境界了～我得多多学习才行！然后很巧的是，以上两位朋友……都是巨蟹座的哟！我只是希望自己不会变得太令人讨厌的巨蟹座啦。（笑）
6.7.11
六月份报告 | Monthly Report: June 2011
Time really flies faster when you over 20, and increasing its speed every year. Goodbye June. It's already half past year 2011.
1. Relationship with God.
- Haven't been attending Lifechurch and Talk-it-over sessions and my Gogetters Lifegroup ( > < ) - Started my "Major Events" reading plan on Youversion
- Completed some 2 topical reading plans, "Assurance" and "Diligence"
- Still trying to see and experience God in my everyday life, it's a shame that I'm not a diligent person
2. Writing.
- I wrote my diaries
- I blogged
- and I talked to people about my messy thoughts, though talking sometimes gets me stirred up, or even more confused, I know I just can't stop myself from thinking... and I have problems shutting down the 'constantly-thinking (about various stuffs)' program.
3. Exercise.
My original intention of exercising was to balance my brain chemicals, which is important for me to keep a 'healthy' or a 'normal' mood. Original plans includes jogging and swimming, basic stretching and bend down touch the ground.
- Jogged once, but I don't think I can jog in my old running shoes anymore. It made my feet ached, my whole feet started to feel the pain even I had just started to run... so... jogging needs to wait.
- I think... I swam once. Yeah.
- Basic stretching, yes very simple ones, and some random dances at home. Lol.
- No, I still can't touch the ground.
4. Reading.
-Finish "1Q84" (book 1 & 2) by Murakami Haruki
-NEW: Finish "1Q84" (book 3) by Murakami Haruki
- Dr. Shaun McNiff's "艺术治疗" (Art as Medicine) is really time-consuming, I need to keep on repeating the same lines before I could roughly understand what it means. It's not a bad read (or was the translation that's bad? :p) but it is deep, personal, opinionated, academic, comparisons, experience and imagination type of book. I theeenk. I'm on page 66 btw.
- Started reading "Kitchen" (厨房) by Yoshimoto Banana （吉本芭娜娜）, pg24. Damn it reminds me of my old blog, and the story... reminds me of the Japanese manga by Hatori Bisco, Ouran High School Host Club.
[WARNING SPOILER AHEAD]
WHY does Japanese single father likes to transgender and works in a pub because they think they'll never fall in love with another woman again? Or did Hatori Bisco actually DID plagiarized the background of the father from Yoshimoto Banana? OR was it a... common backstory for Japanese plot? Sorry, I just couldn't stand the generic type of story. -___-
[SPOILER ENDS]
5. Train my left hand.
Going well according to plan. Been using my left hand to practice brushing teeth, practice writing and doodling. Still need more time to fully get used to the activities.
6. Tidy/Cleaning Up Areas and Files.
*Ahem* Work-in-progress.
7. Draw.
- Did commissions.
- Drawn one fanart. *runs in embarassment*
8. Revise Japanese Language.
- Japanese... no.
- Korean, I think I can recognize some korean alphabets already, but not all yet.
9. ll-m.
Hmm, not yet for this one.
10. Graduate and earn money.
Ok, not yet earn money lah.
11. Drive to places.
Hmm.. drove to a couple of more places nearby. Less worried already, but still mom's nagging is still severely harming my already-very-low-and-pitiful self-confidence in driving. Sigh. Btw, my side parking sucks like nobody else.
.
1. Relationship with God.
- Haven't been attending Lifechurch and Talk-it-over sessions and my Gogetters Lifegroup ( > < ) - Started my "Major Events" reading plan on Youversion
- Completed some 2 topical reading plans, "Assurance" and "Diligence"
- Still trying to see and experience God in my everyday life, it's a shame that I'm not a diligent person
2. Writing.
- I wrote my diaries
- I blogged
- and I talked to people about my messy thoughts, though talking sometimes gets me stirred up, or even more confused, I know I just can't stop myself from thinking... and I have problems shutting down the 'constantly-thinking (about various stuffs)' program.
3. Exercise.
My original intention of exercising was to balance my brain chemicals, which is important for me to keep a 'healthy' or a 'normal' mood. Original plans includes jogging and swimming, basic stretching and bend down touch the ground.
- Jogged once, but I don't think I can jog in my old running shoes anymore. It made my feet ached, my whole feet started to feel the pain even I had just started to run... so... jogging needs to wait.
- I think... I swam once. Yeah.
- Basic stretching, yes very simple ones, and some random dances at home. Lol.
- No, I still can't touch the ground.
4. Reading.
-
-
- Dr. Shaun McNiff's "艺术治疗" (Art as Medicine) is really time-consuming, I need to keep on repeating the same lines before I could roughly understand what it means. It's not a bad read (or was the translation that's bad? :p) but it is deep, personal, opinionated, academic, comparisons, experience and imagination type of book. I theeenk. I'm on page 66 btw.
- Started reading "Kitchen" (厨房) by Yoshimoto Banana （吉本芭娜娜）, pg24. Damn it reminds me of my old blog, and the story... reminds me of the Japanese manga by Hatori Bisco, Ouran High School Host Club.
[WARNING SPOILER AHEAD]
WHY does Japanese single father likes to transgender and works in a pub because they think they'll never fall in love with another woman again? Or did Hatori Bisco actually DID plagiarized the background of the father from Yoshimoto Banana? OR was it a... common backstory for Japanese plot? Sorry, I just couldn't stand the generic type of story. -___-
[SPOILER ENDS]
5. Train my left hand.
Going well according to plan. Been using my left hand to practice brushing teeth, practice writing and doodling. Still need more time to fully get used to the activities.
6. Tidy/Cleaning Up Areas and Files.
*Ahem* Work-in-progress.
7. Draw.
- Did commissions.
- Drawn one fanart. *runs in embarassment*
8. Revise Japanese Language.
- Japanese... no.
- Korean, I think I can recognize some korean alphabets already, but not all yet.
9. ll-m.
Hmm, not yet for this one.
10. Graduate and earn money.
Ok, not yet earn money lah.
11. Drive to places.
Hmm.. drove to a couple of more places nearby. Less worried already, but still mom's nagging is still severely harming my already-very-low-and-pitiful self-confidence in driving. Sigh. Btw, my side parking sucks like nobody else.
.
23.6.11
Voices
Inspired by Austin Kleon's Newspaper Blackout.
Translation (literally):
Outer voices
are the blockage of dreams.
Inner voices
are the courage.
I really love one of Austion Kleon's saying - Creativity is subtraction.
I couldn't agree more.
9.6.11
五月份报告 | Monthly Report: May 2011
Just a short update, because I have been shamelessly playing a lot of games - which means I'm not really doing much things other than gaming and wasting time.
*Having a Blast! - I am having so much fun that it's almost criminal!*
Can you guess one of the games that I've been playing? :p
1. Relationship with God.
Completed First Step Reading Plan on YouVersion. God heard my Sun Stand Still prayer. Thank you Lord Jesus, for having mercy on me.
4. Reading.
- "1Q84" (book 3) by Murakami Haruki, at page 273
I love this booooook!!
5. Train my left hand.
Brushed my teeth with both left and right hand. When right hand hurts, I use the left. When the right hand feels fine, I use the right. =p
7. Draw.
Doing art commissions.
10. Graduate and earn money.
Ok! I'm not earning money yet... but I passed my Final Year Project! Yay!
.
*Having a Blast! - I am having so much fun that it's almost criminal!*
Can you guess one of the games that I've been playing? :p
1. Relationship with God.
Completed First Step Reading Plan on YouVersion. God heard my Sun Stand Still prayer. Thank you Lord Jesus, for having mercy on me.
4. Reading.
- "1Q84" (book 3) by Murakami Haruki, at page 273
I love this booooook!!
5. Train my left hand.
Brushed my teeth with both left and right hand. When right hand hurts, I use the left. When the right hand feels fine, I use the right. =p
7. Draw.
Doing art commissions.
10. Graduate and earn money.
Ok! I'm not earning money yet... but I passed my Final Year Project! Yay!
.
7.5.11
四月份报告 | Monthly Report: April 2011
Yikes, I told myself to update this in early May, and I almost forgot about it. It was a very unhealthy and stressful month for me. It's amazing to know I still can be very bipolar at times. Ups and downs. Somehow... God has shown me enough mercy and miracles. I just have to pull it through... and I know that it is the END of my whatever emotional drama; because someone who has a very high self-esteem (although it only applies to certain areas of my 'expertise') like myself just hate the feeling of low self-esteem and lack of confidence. So here it goes.
Well, I've been working on my Final Year Project this month, not to mention about personal matters, because there always will be a particular group of friends who doesn't know how to respect. To those who are not my close friends, yes I am actually very particular and picky towards the way you express yourself to me.
1. Relationship with God.
Went to life church twice I think. Read the notes but skipped the discussions because I was kinda losing track of time. BUT something BIG happened!!! This I cannot stop saying it! God answered my mother's and my prayers!! I kept on praying for a chance for me to complete my animation, and mother prayed for my self-confidence, and I had gotten both now. God is good! I cannot express my feeling of gratefulness. God never left me alone to rot, God is there watching over me, always. Thank you, my Lord!
3. Exercise.
- Did stretching and simple exercises inconsistently.
- Didn't jog at all.
4. Reading.
- Completed "1Q84" (book 2)
- Started "1Q84" (book 3)
- Reading Air Gear Manga, at chapter 249 now.
5. Train my left hand.
Brush teeth using both my right hand and the left.
11. Drive to places.
Only drove to campus and to friend's house nearby. Not much improvement.
Went to life church twice I think. Read the notes but skipped the discussions because I was kinda losing track of time. BUT something BIG happened!!! This I cannot stop saying it! God answered my mother's and my prayers!! I kept on praying for a chance for me to complete my animation, and mother prayed for my self-confidence, and I had gotten both now. God is good! I cannot express my feeling of gratefulness. God never left me alone to rot, God is there watching over me, always. Thank you, my Lord!
3. Exercise.
- Did stretching and simple exercises inconsistently.
- Didn't jog at all.
4. Reading.
- Completed "1Q84" (book 2)
- Started "1Q84" (book 3)
- Reading Air Gear Manga, at chapter 249 now.
5. Train my left hand.
Brush teeth using both my right hand and the left.
11. Drive to places.
Only drove to campus and to friend's house nearby. Not much improvement.
Well, I've been working on my Final Year Project this month, not to mention about personal matters, because there always will be a particular group of friends who doesn't know how to respect. To those who are not my close friends, yes I am actually very particular and picky towards the way you express yourself to me.
14.4.11
Problems
I have a confession to make, it's probably very common, but I still have to confess. I have problems concentrating on one thing at a time, and it's getting serious.
Anyway this is just a post for me to once again acknowledge and admit my own weakness and problem, I didn't mention this problem to people much, except a close friend.
I think it started about 4 years ago, when I start to notice that I find it hard to concentrate under all those stress with various activities. But the symptoms are getting worse. Even if I plug off my internet cable, and doing nothing else but one work, my mind gets carried away with something else. I couldn't even sit still sometimes.
I believe I don't have ADHD, since it's biological and I had never shown any similar symptoms during my childhood. I've found advices and suggestions to overcome this concentration problem. Just to mention a few, which probably sounds general, such as setting goals, time management, shaping some good habits and routines. There are some which sounds really useful to me, like getting rid of clutter at the workplace, including keeping the brain clutter-free. Besides the outer distractions, I had experienced my brain being extremely distracted, like in one moment, the brain is telling me dozens of different things, emotions, problems, weather, myths, past memories, future possibilities... etc. Sometimes they become rather overwhelming when I'm not controlling those thoughts. Another advice from psychologists will also be exercise. Exercise get rid of the extra energy in individuals who had ADHD, and it balances the brain chemicals. I used to keep a weekly jogging routine in certain months, and I had not been experiencing severe concentration problems. When I slack off and skipped exercises, before I realized it, I'm drowned in my own unstable emotions and it includes inability to focus on one thing for a long time.
The most frustrating thing about this concentration problem is, when you know how far your abilities can go and the result doesn't reflect your own ability at all.
I got over with my mild depression, and I want to learn to concentrate for important and long tasks. I'll make an effort to be like myself and become a better individual. May God strengthen me and guide me through difficult situations.
Anyway this is just a post for me to once again acknowledge and admit my own weakness and problem, I didn't mention this problem to people much, except a close friend.
I think it started about 4 years ago, when I start to notice that I find it hard to concentrate under all those stress with various activities. But the symptoms are getting worse. Even if I plug off my internet cable, and doing nothing else but one work, my mind gets carried away with something else. I couldn't even sit still sometimes.
I believe I don't have ADHD, since it's biological and I had never shown any similar symptoms during my childhood. I've found advices and suggestions to overcome this concentration problem. Just to mention a few, which probably sounds general, such as setting goals, time management, shaping some good habits and routines. There are some which sounds really useful to me, like getting rid of clutter at the workplace, including keeping the brain clutter-free. Besides the outer distractions, I had experienced my brain being extremely distracted, like in one moment, the brain is telling me dozens of different things, emotions, problems, weather, myths, past memories, future possibilities... etc. Sometimes they become rather overwhelming when I'm not controlling those thoughts. Another advice from psychologists will also be exercise. Exercise get rid of the extra energy in individuals who had ADHD, and it balances the brain chemicals. I used to keep a weekly jogging routine in certain months, and I had not been experiencing severe concentration problems. When I slack off and skipped exercises, before I realized it, I'm drowned in my own unstable emotions and it includes inability to focus on one thing for a long time.
The most frustrating thing about this concentration problem is, when you know how far your abilities can go and the result doesn't reflect your own ability at all.
I got over with my mild depression, and I want to learn to concentrate for important and long tasks. I'll make an effort to be like myself and become a better individual. May God strengthen me and guide me through difficult situations.
31.3.11
三月份报告 | Monthly Report: March 2011
Link to: 2011 Reso-Resolution
March didn't become a productive month for me. I still chicken out on things.
1. Relationship with God.
Went to life church weekly, joined a talk-it-over discussion. Did prayers, but I am not sure if I did things right, not sure if I'm on the right path. My bible reading plan is almost 3 weeks behind the schedule. The feeling of recording a reverse progress feels terrible.
2. Writing.
No... not thinking too much lately, so haven't been writing to myself. But have been exchanging letters and thoughts with friends. Philosophy and views on various things, specifically in love.
3. Exercise.
- Did stretching inconsistently.
- Didn't jog at all. T_T
4. Reading.
- On page 255 for "1Q84" (book 2)
- Completed Chin Yew's titles.
- Reading Air Gear Manga, at chapter 249 now.
5. Train my left hand.
Brush teeth using both my right hand and the left, the left hand doesn't do the job well.
Haven't practice doodling and writing with my left hand yet.
Washed dishes with my left hand once.
8. Revise Japanese Language.
Revised some Japanese hiragana and kanji pronunciation, thanks yenyen for helping with my revision. Haven't done any Hangul consonants and vowels revision.
11. Drive to places.
I'm still driving dangerously.I'm sorry, please forgive me, I'm very noob.
I drove to the post office in Cyberjaya, drove to Mid Valley and drove through Puchong with the aid from Mummi and Jacky, my side parking still suck. But I feel more intimate with Gaga now.
Went to life church weekly, joined a talk-it-over discussion. Did prayers, but I am not sure if I did things right, not sure if I'm on the right path. My bible reading plan is almost 3 weeks behind the schedule. The feeling of recording a reverse progress feels terrible.
2. Writing.
No... not thinking too much lately, so haven't been writing to myself. But have been exchanging letters and thoughts with friends. Philosophy and views on various things, specifically in love.
3. Exercise.
- Did stretching inconsistently.
- Didn't jog at all. T_T
4. Reading.
- On page 255 for "1Q84" (book 2)
- Completed Chin Yew's titles.
- Reading Air Gear Manga, at chapter 249 now.
5. Train my left hand.
Brush teeth using both my right hand and the left, the left hand doesn't do the job well.
Haven't practice doodling and writing with my left hand yet.
Washed dishes with my left hand once.
8. Revise Japanese Language.
Revised some Japanese hiragana and kanji pronunciation, thanks yenyen for helping with my revision. Haven't done any Hangul consonants and vowels revision.
11. Drive to places.
I'm still driving dangerously.I'm sorry, please forgive me, I'm very noob.
I drove to the post office in Cyberjaya, drove to Mid Valley and drove through Puchong with the aid from Mummi and Jacky, my side parking still suck. But I feel more intimate with Gaga now.
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