時間，在這裡是靜了。
在這樣的一個林子裡。
有木、有葉；
有泥、石；
有光，從未知的高處
筆直穿過葉群
俯视我們在地上的卑微。
我們望著（那）莊嚴。
美麗的光，美麗的林。
美好的景物只可遠觀、不可褻玩；
美麗、莊嚴、神聖。
我，也隨著時間，
沉靜了。
我們
靜靜地溜，不曾靜止。
--------
相信美好、相信公義、相信創造主
儘管人變得再冷漠殘酷
儘管環境變得污穢惡劣
也絕對不可以為了這些不好
而讓自己的純樸變質。
22.9.12
29.6.12
横
我真的是很容易被你的情绪感染的。
叫你离开，
把自己说得很伟大
不想再看到你不开心
希望你可以开心过生活
其实还有一大部分的原因
是因为我不想再让自己像今晚一样
有奇怪的念头
我想
埋头
工作
工作
工作到天亮
因为不想被你的情绪感染
因为我有点自私
因为我很固执
因为我不喜欢哭丧着入眠
所以不开心的时候
我都会晚睡，把身体累坏了
就会累到睡着
就没有不开心地入眠了
所以
离开吧
我身体已经越来越差了
再也经不起多几次的不开心
再也不想像海绵一样无限吸着各种的坏情绪
可是我就只是一块海绵
我不能够跟你分担
我不能够理解
我也不想
听了
因为
我真的不懂除了跟随自己心声以外的方式来做决定
我只是不想让每天不开心的你感染
成
现在
我也不开心
不睡觉。
叫你离开，
把自己说得很伟大
不想再看到你不开心
希望你可以开心过生活
其实还有一大部分的原因
是因为我不想再让自己像今晚一样
有奇怪的念头
我想
埋头
工作
工作
工作到天亮
因为不想被你的情绪感染
因为我有点自私
因为我很固执
因为我不喜欢哭丧着入眠
所以不开心的时候
我都会晚睡，把身体累坏了
就会累到睡着
就没有不开心地入眠了
所以
离开吧
我身体已经越来越差了
再也经不起多几次的不开心
再也不想像海绵一样无限吸着各种的坏情绪
可是我就只是一块海绵
我不能够跟你分担
我不能够理解
我也不想
听了
因为
我真的不懂除了跟随自己心声以外的方式来做决定
我只是不想让每天不开心的你感染
成
现在
我也不开心
不睡觉。
26.6.12
Humility
Sometimes we are more forgetful than we thought. Skills that you have mastered could become rusty if don't brush them up consistently; and a lesson learnt might just slip away as if nothing has happened before - until a friend reminds me recently.
Pride comes before a fall.
If I were to compare, the falls that I experienced are nothing at all. But they're significant to me - because I grew up surrounded by compliments and praises. These words have shaped me, and my confidence are built up depending on these. I looked down on failures, because I was always on top of the hill. I believed I was that good, and I could master anything if I wanted to. It's like standing on top of a tower and looking at the sky and thinking that I could fly if I want to.
So.. there comes the continuous and repetitive failures in my academic performance, my co-curriculum activities and my social life.
I have never stood on the solid ground looking forward and looking up - if weren't for the falls that God have placed me in. Those were my lessons, lessons of being humble. I don't have to put myself bigger and higher than anybody else, because the only one who is bigger and higher is God Himself.
And during my depressed moments - I had a really close friend that I would say my only close friend in my university period, we've known each other for not long - but the closeness and encouragement is always there. If it weren't for her, I never had the courage to move on.
"It's amazing how God connects people," a colleague told me this, Amen. Never know I would someone like her - she's like a reflection of my mind, it's kind of creepy when we talk, as if she's speaking from my mind, and best of all, God knows I don't have a church of believer-friends to support me in times of need, He placed His people around me, so I can still rely and look for them if I need support.
Failures and downhill of life are just lessons from God - He wants to teach us something more valuable, He wants to tell us that we are not the one in charge of our own life, but He is - He wants to reveal Himself to us - He wants us to know that we can always rely on Him, because through Him, we are strengthened.
And He always want me to know, that He'll never let me stray far from Him. Each and every time when I become lost - He will come back and look for me. I am always found. He is that good.
Dear Heavenly Father, I want to rely on You to change my terrible temper. I am not perfect and I can't do this on my own - but through God, everything is possible. In Jesus Name, Amen.
Pride comes before a fall.
If I were to compare, the falls that I experienced are nothing at all. But they're significant to me - because I grew up surrounded by compliments and praises. These words have shaped me, and my confidence are built up depending on these. I looked down on failures, because I was always on top of the hill. I believed I was that good, and I could master anything if I wanted to. It's like standing on top of a tower and looking at the sky and thinking that I could fly if I want to.
So.. there comes the continuous and repetitive failures in my academic performance, my co-curriculum activities and my social life.
I have never stood on the solid ground looking forward and looking up - if weren't for the falls that God have placed me in. Those were my lessons, lessons of being humble. I don't have to put myself bigger and higher than anybody else, because the only one who is bigger and higher is God Himself.
And during my depressed moments - I had a really close friend that I would say my only close friend in my university period, we've known each other for not long - but the closeness and encouragement is always there. If it weren't for her, I never had the courage to move on.
"It's amazing how God connects people," a colleague told me this, Amen. Never know I would someone like her - she's like a reflection of my mind, it's kind of creepy when we talk, as if she's speaking from my mind, and best of all, God knows I don't have a church of believer-friends to support me in times of need, He placed His people around me, so I can still rely and look for them if I need support.
Failures and downhill of life are just lessons from God - He wants to teach us something more valuable, He wants to tell us that we are not the one in charge of our own life, but He is - He wants to reveal Himself to us - He wants us to know that we can always rely on Him, because through Him, we are strengthened.
And He always want me to know, that He'll never let me stray far from Him. Each and every time when I become lost - He will come back and look for me. I am always found. He is that good.
Dear Heavenly Father, I want to rely on You to change my terrible temper. I am not perfect and I can't do this on my own - but through God, everything is possible. In Jesus Name, Amen.
15.2.12
最美麗的情人節
最美麗的情人節夜晚… 是一杯熱奶茶，和一個最棒的伴侶；
讓人可以安心舒服地述說着每一天的大小事、
七情上面舞動拳頭地談著讓人氣憤不平的事、
快樂單純地談着關於夢想和未來的事；
還有那種在其他人面前都可以隱藏得很好的悲傷和低落
來到親愛的你面前，什麼假面都融化無跡
對你，心就是可以如此地坦蕩赤裸
TT___TT
然後
擦乾滿臉的淚之後
一切又變得很美好很幸福了。 :)
讓人可以安心舒服地述說着每一天的大小事、
七情上面舞動拳頭地談著讓人氣憤不平的事、
快樂單純地談着關於夢想和未來的事；
還有那種在其他人面前都可以隱藏得很好的悲傷和低落
來到親愛的你面前，什麼假面都融化無跡
對你，心就是可以如此地坦蕩赤裸
TT___TT
然後
擦乾滿臉的淚之後
一切又變得很美好很幸福了。 :)
10.2.12
一個月
距離上一篇日誌有一個月的時間了。
我知道，當自己不寫日誌的時候，不是無暇，也不是沒有想法。
只是、我自己不敢面對自己的時候的表現。
所以不想整理自己的靈魂。
不想做的事情，通常都是必須做的事情。
思緒必須處理，靈魂也必須被治療。
眼淚，我也只能濕濕熱熱地感受。
一個月，不長不短。
農曆新年就這樣過去了。
我們沒有像往常一樣，元宵節在家裡圍爐。
我們在外頭吃火鍋。我們僅四口。
爸爸存在的記憶，已經開始離我們遠了幾公分。
而且那將會漸遠、漸遠。
心很酸，但我也不能怎麼樣。
家裡少訂了兩份報紙。
家裡再也沒有人一天看三四份報紙的了。
我們家現在的舊報紙疊大概需要兩個月的時間才會疊到像以前兩個星期的高度。
家裡有一點不一樣。
可是我想我們適應得很好。
爸爸的座位、慣用的東西，還在那裡。
桌子上的大計算機、爸爸的手機、手錶、日曆（我們替換了2012年的）、五格小抽屜組、爸爸新摘下的剪報（最新的是2011年10月18日的）、訂閱的雜誌（前天才收到最新的）、筆筒。爸爸椅子上專用的青色座墊及座布。還有我們沒有碰過的、靠牆邊、椅子後脹滿厚重的黑色公事包。廁所裡爸爸用的剃須刀上，還留著一點點皮膚屑。還有爸爸用的小梳、牙刷與牙線。還有衣櫥裡的衣服。還有幾個書櫃的書本和文件。
只是這些都染上了一層塵。
我依稀還可以聽見您每晚在座位上翻報的聲音；偶爾參雜著哈欠和自言自語，
伴著舊直立風扇微沉半平穩的轉動聲，還有您坐上和離開那椅子所發出的咯吱聲。
現在又突然想起幾個月前，我和母親在抹那把較新的直立風扇，裝回去之後就不動了，我倆還擔心著會被爸罵我們弄壞了他買的風扇--可是那天爸爸沒有罵我們，說那把風扇已經很多毛病了，所以爸就換了那把有點毛病但還可以用的舊直立風扇。
這一個月，就是如此的零散凌亂。
我知道，當自己不寫日誌的時候，不是無暇，也不是沒有想法。
只是、我自己不敢面對自己的時候的表現。
所以不想整理自己的靈魂。
不想做的事情，通常都是必須做的事情。
思緒必須處理，靈魂也必須被治療。
眼淚，我也只能濕濕熱熱地感受。
一個月，不長不短。
農曆新年就這樣過去了。
我們沒有像往常一樣，元宵節在家裡圍爐。
我們在外頭吃火鍋。我們僅四口。
爸爸存在的記憶，已經開始離我們遠了幾公分。
而且那將會漸遠、漸遠。
心很酸，但我也不能怎麼樣。
家裡少訂了兩份報紙。
家裡再也沒有人一天看三四份報紙的了。
我們家現在的舊報紙疊大概需要兩個月的時間才會疊到像以前兩個星期的高度。
家裡有一點不一樣。
可是我想我們適應得很好。
爸爸的座位、慣用的東西，還在那裡。
桌子上的大計算機、爸爸的手機、手錶、日曆（我們替換了2012年的）、五格小抽屜組、爸爸新摘下的剪報（最新的是2011年10月18日的）、訂閱的雜誌（前天才收到最新的）、筆筒。爸爸椅子上專用的青色座墊及座布。還有我們沒有碰過的、靠牆邊、椅子後脹滿厚重的黑色公事包。廁所裡爸爸用的剃須刀上，還留著一點點皮膚屑。還有爸爸用的小梳、牙刷與牙線。還有衣櫥裡的衣服。還有幾個書櫃的書本和文件。
只是這些都染上了一層塵。
我依稀還可以聽見您每晚在座位上翻報的聲音；偶爾參雜著哈欠和自言自語，
伴著舊直立風扇微沉半平穩的轉動聲，還有您坐上和離開那椅子所發出的咯吱聲。
現在又突然想起幾個月前，我和母親在抹那把較新的直立風扇，裝回去之後就不動了，我倆還擔心著會被爸罵我們弄壞了他買的風扇--可是那天爸爸沒有罵我們，說那把風扇已經很多毛病了，所以爸就換了那把有點毛病但還可以用的舊直立風扇。
這一個月，就是如此的零散凌亂。
10.1.12
2012 Resolutions | 續序2012
2011年主題為“亂中帶序”，今年想繼續維持一定的秩序與規律，所以命為“續序”。
二十五歲了，想趕在二十九歲以前做一些能讓自己自豪一輩子的事，人生的十年我已過了兩個，而第三個十年一點也不遠，所以必須加倍珍惜每一年每一天。
新年目標我定下了十一項：
細說各項：
二十五歲了，想趕在二十九歲以前做一些能讓自己自豪一輩子的事，人生的十年我已過了兩個，而第三個十年一點也不遠，所以必須加倍珍惜每一年每一天。
新年目標我定下了十一項：
- Live in God
- Become a better person
- Become a better daughter/sister
- 自我溝通
- Exercise
- Financial Planning
- To drive more often
- Reading
- Revise basic Nihongo and Hangul
- Lefty's Training
- ll-m
細說各項：
| 1 | Live in God |
| i | attend church/lifechurch |
| ii | read bible |
| through youversion's reading plans, online bible | |
| through revising and memorizing verses | |
| iii | childlike faith |
| keep praying | |
| never give up, never lose hope |
| 2 | Become a better person |
| (as an individual) | |
| i | be diligent |
| ii | be confident |
| iii | be understanding |
| 3 | Become a better daughter/sister |
| (as a family member) | |
| i | help with family matters |
| ii | help to do chores |
| iii | help with cooking |
| iv | be caring |
| v | be patient |
| 4 | 自我溝通 |
| (through different means of expression) | |
| i | express and communicate with self |
| through writing, drawing, shooting etc | |
| ii | get myself a DSLR |
| 5 | Exercise |
| i | do stretching daily: make a daily stretching plan |
| ii | be able to touch the ground |
| iii | get a pair of running/sports shoes |
| 6 | Financial Planning |
| i | plan expenses/loan/savings/debt |
| ii | stick with the plan |
| 7 | To drive more often | ||||||||
| 8 | Reading | ||||||||
| i | finish 7 books |
| 9 | Revise basic Nihongo and Hangul |
| i | be able to read nihongo smoothly |
| ii | recognize some basic kanji |
| iii | learn some basic phrases |
| iv | be able to recognize hangul vowels and consonants |
| 10 | Lefty's Training |
| i | brush teeth in the morning |
| ii | weekly doodle/writing |
| 11 | ll-m |
| (showcasing hobbies/(art)works) | |
| i | make plans for ll-m |
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